Written by: January Serda, F2F Chief Operating Officer
My life is full of responsibilities, a to-do list that never seems to end, and many people leaning on me for support in all forms. During the holidays, these all amplify unwanted guests like stress, anxiety and depression. Every holiday comes with so many more demands like shopping, cooking, entertaining, cleaning - the list doesn’t end! In addition, the COVID19 pandemic stress and impact on our emotional and mental health has only exacerbated my level of stress, anxiety and depression as the holidays approach. This will be our second COVID19 Christmas holiday, and some of us will not be able to see our family members another year. Not to mention since COVID19, many of us have lost loved ones and the holidays just do not feel the same anymore. Nothing feels “normal”. Even Christmas.
In true Fear 2 Freedom spirit, I remember my resilience. I dig deep to harness as much strength as possible to exercise a few tools that work for me when managing these unhealthy emotions. It’s not always so simple to do, and actually very challenging to stop and regroup when stress is at its peak. It’s easier said than done to try to prevent stress and depression in the first place, especially if the holidays are overall tough for us normally.
Here are a few tips that work well for me this time of year:
Acknowledging my feelings. Really honoring how I feel with no shame, guilt, or need to justify it. Realizing it's normal to feel sadness, grief, anger, frustration, fear, or whatever emotion takes over you when thinking about whatever is on your mind is important so you allow yourself the space to feel what you feel. Give yourself grace! It is okay to take time to cry or express your feelings. I can't force myself to be happy just because it's the holiday season. And that’s okay.
Reaching out. When I feel lonely or isolated, I seek out social events or community functions. There are many websites, online support groups, social media sites or virtual events that can offer support and companionship. When my anxiety is high, I seek out a close, trusting friend or family member. Sometimes I only reach out with a text when my anxiety is overwhelming, but I still reach out and it totally helps pull me out of my feelings of loneliness and isolation. Find the right support networks for you - we all need something different - just please reach out & know that you are not alone.
Volunteering my time. Service to others and my community is very important to me. When I help others, it lifts my spirits and connects me to more people and friendships. Even something as simple as dropping off a meal at a friend's home who may be alone during the holidays. Other ideas like joining a community group to serve holiday meals to homeless families, or donating gifts for children in need are in high demand during the holiday season. Give it a try and see how serving others can encourage and lift you up!
Being realistic. Oh this one has been a struggle for me! I am a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser. The holidays always amplified my need to be perfect and have everything perfect. That is simply absurd and ridiculous, unhealthy pressure to place on ourselves. I remind myself that nothing has to be perfect. As our lives change and evolve, families change and grow, traditions and rituals will often change as well. I choose a few to hold on to, and mindfully allow myself to be open to creating new ones.
Setting aside differences. It has been a real journey for me to accept family members and friends as they are. Most people in our lives will not live up to our expectations, and that’s okay. Learning to set expectations aside and being more understanding and compassionate truly releases us from the stress, anxiety and depression challenging people we love tend to emerge in us. On the other hand, toxic, abusive family members and friends are completely okay to love from a distance. We need to know our limits and boundaries, and healthy boundaries while setting aside differences is a must. I have found that keeping a perspective that chances are they too are feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, allows me to be more kind and accepting. We are all doing the best we can.
Sticking to a budget. Oh this is very, very challenging during the holidays! There are so many cool things to buy and so many people we want to buy them for. Just say no! Do what you can with what you have. I have started to first evaluate how much money I have to spend, then I do my gift and food shopping. This helps me stick to my budget, because I can get very stressed when it comes to money. No more trying to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. I am not about that life anymore!
Despite my best efforts, sometimes none of this works, and I find myself feeling anxious, sad, irritable, unable to sleep, and unmotivated to face routine responsibilities. When these feelings linger for a while, I make sure to seek professional help. I talk to my doctor or mental health professional. These days, most health insurance plans give us a tele-health appointment option and there is a mental health professional available 24 hours a day via a phone call or video chat. Other times, these tips work great and I end up managing all the stress, anxiety and onset of any depression by simply taking a walk at night and stargazing, listening to music I enjoy, or taking a time out to read a book.
Please join me in taking control of the holidays this year. Make a pinky-promise that we will do our best to not let this holiday become something we dread. Together, let’s mindfully take steps to prevent the stress, anxiety and depression that can set in during the holidays. Learn with me to recognize our holiday triggers. For example mine are financial pressures and personal demands, and learning these are my holiday triggers allows me to combat them before they lead to a meltdown. I can write an entire blog post on my past meltdowns, let me tell ya! With a little planning, discipline and some positive thinking, we can find peace and maybe that festive joy the holidays are meant to bring.
This was a year I didn’t get the Christmas tree until literally 3 days before Christmas because it was such a busy December. I remember feeling so stressed and guilty for not having a tree up by a specific date which was simply ridiculous self-imposed stressed. From our faces you can see we still managed to capture the holiday joy - no matter how late we put the tree up!
Living in Hampton Roads, no Christmas holiday is complete without a visit to Busch Gardens for their immaculate display of holiday lights and music. This was an annual tradition for my boys and time I deeply cherished. Once they both became teenagers, they wouldn’t be caught dead at Busch Gardens with their mom. Needless to say, I was forced to find a new annual tradition.
Proof of the avalanche of gifts every year. Fast forward to today, there might be 3 gifts each under the tree. Kids get more expensive as they grow, so limits on gifts is a good thing. I am notorious for wrapping up batteries and toothpaste - Merry Christmas!
All grown up! Traditions during the holidays definately have evolved and changed. Kids grow up, create their own holiday memories, and it’s all a part of this beautiful, messy, everchanging life. The one thing that never changes is my unconditional love for my boys & anytime, regardless what holiday or time of year, I can share with them.
My advice to all parents out there, evolve with your kids. Grow. Try new things and adventures together. Find what you all like to do with no expectations or pressures. My boys & I may not visit Busch Gardens holiday lights anymore but we have created new, fun things to do together during the joyful holiday season.
Happy Holidays everyone! Remember to mindfully let all the pressure of the holidays go, and give yourself grace as you need it to make it a memorable time of year for you and yours.