Realizing the strength you have had all along, and how to harness it in difficult situations
By: Abby Sams, F2F Summer 2021 Programs Intern
Life is beautifully fickle; it can bring about glorious change, extremely tough circumstances, or some mix of the two. When life knocks us down or throws us a curveball, it is hard to know what is possible. Even in those dark moments, you have strengths within you that can be utilized to help you through.
Being resilient is like having armor that has been tested time and time again for its fortitude. Even with the dents, scrapes, and scars, it has carried you through. It has protected you, strengthened you, and created a roadmap to the person you are today. Resilience is “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change” (Merriam-Webster). I believe the most important word in that definition is change; Change is unpredictable, it comes and goes, evolves, and even when you wish it wouldn't, it shows up unannounced.
But there is no need to avoid change, because you have grown to be strong! You have been able to bounce back from countless situations in the past, and I know you can do it again. For those of us who are still building up our resilience, here are a few tips to get us going.
Strive for perseverance
First and foremost: keep going. Within the classic Disney movie Finding Nemo, Dory had a good mantra with “Just keep swimming”, regardless of if it's an ocean in front of you or a baby jellyfish waving hello. Persevering during the rough times, the scary times, the uncertain times builds your strength and your resilience. Also recognize your unique strengths. Being able to identify and harness these is important in any difficult situation.
Become more comfortable with failure
It is also vital to realize that failure is a fact of life; more often than not failure can teach us more lessons than success can. Clinical Psychologist Ryan Howes, Ph.D worked with a man who was terrified of rejection, particularly when making friends at his new college. So he created a goal to ask someone to coffee every day for 14 days. According to Howes, he was surprised to discover that: “the sting of rejection was not nearly as bad as he imagined, and nearly half of the people agreed to go to coffee, three of whom became good friends. Doing this experiment also bolstered his resilience. And, importantly, it taught him that “the ‘failures’ were just as important as the ‘successes.’” (Tartakovsky 2016). Howes also shows us that there is usually a silver lining within a challenge, even if it is as small as a cup of coffee.
Practice acceptance
One of the hardest things to do (in my opinion) is to practice acceptance. This can be acceptance for others, acceptance for the situation you are in, acceptance for yourself, or some combination of the three. Acceptance helps us move past the initial emotions of frustration, pity, or resentment when we are presented with challenges. Learning to accept whatever emotions come up for you is important for healing.
No matter the turmoil you find yourself in, remember that you have your past, present, and hope for the future to guide you. You are enough, and regardless of the situation, that will never change; three simple words whose powerful meaning can offer comfort and help you through many situations. Even in your darkest hour, you had yourself and your courage… and that has led you to who you are today. Be proud of yourself for growing into the person you are, and remember that you can overcome your obstacles, whatever it may be.