What All Students Should Know About Their Campus & Sexual Violence Before Starting College

Content Notice: sexual violence

written by: Lauren Carrasco-Kyllönen

The start of the academic year is a time of anticipation & preparation for both seniors beginning their final year of high school as well as college freshmen embarking on this new chapter of their lives. When planning out their future college experiences, many students research things like: “What academic majors are available for study?”, “Where can I park?”, “What do the meal plans offer?”, “Are there interesting student groups to join?”, “What things are there to do in the local area”... All important questions to find answers to but there’s an entire topic of essential research that’s going overlooked…sexual violence. 

Campus sexual violence is a common challenge at colleges & universities across the country, with over 50% of all incidents occurring at the beginning of the fall semester (Aug-Nov) during what’s known as the Red Zone. Although the risks this time period pose apply to all college students, freshmen are the most vulnerable. This is why it is imperative that future students include research on sexual violence when planning their college careers.

Knowing where to start can be confusing & overwhelming, especially with all the other details that need to be settled when planning for college. So we’ve put together a guide on what all students should know about their college/university regarding campus sexual violence before starting their freshman year. 

POLICIES

Title IX is a federal civil rights law in the U.S. that prohibits sex-based discrimination (which includes sexual violence) in schools or other education programs that receive funding from the federal government. Although the government sets some minimum requirements that all of these educational institutions must adhere to, the specific policies & procedures will look a bit different from one institution to the next, with some merely meeting those minimum standards while others work to go above & beyond. A campus’ policies & procedures set the foundation for their culture on sexual violence so they’re an important aspect to research. Here are some questions to find answers to:

• What is your campus’ Title IX policy? 

  • Is it clearly laid out & easy to understand? Is it able to be quickly & easily accessed online?

  • In addition to on-campus incidents, does this policy cover off-campus locations as well? (off-campus student houses/apartments, hotels used for school trips, off-campus interactions with campus staff/faculty, etc)

  • Does this policy cover cyber-harassment?

• Who is the Title IX Coordinator?

  • Their name, office address, phone number, & email address should all be easily found on your school’s website. 

• How do they class their employees?

  • Who are mandatory reporters?

  • Are there any employees who are not mandatory reporters that students can turn to for confidential support? Who are they?

• How can someone report an incident of sexual violence?

  • Information on what the available reporting options entail as well as who/where to make a report should be widely publicized & accessible. 

  • There should be an option for people to make anonymous reports online as well.

• Are there “amnesty” policies that protect people who are reporting incidents of sexual violence from being punish for conduct code violations that may have happened in conjunction with the sexual violence incident? 

  • Some schools have “zero tolerance” policies for certain conduct that can result in people facing punishment for violations, no matter the circumstances, which can prevent people from coming forward to make a report for fear of getting in trouble. Does your school have any of these policies?

• Are there any additional “non-Title IX” policies that address these topics, such as a sexual misconduct policy?

  • These policies may outline additional expectations, regulations, accommodations, or survivor rights that go beyond the minimum Title IX standards.

• What is your campus’ disability policy? 

  • You may have rights to disability accommodations & supports if you’re experiencing anxiety, depression, or other mental disabilities that have resulted from sexual violence you’ve faced, regardless of whether or not that violence occurred at your current campus or not.  

TRANSPARENCY 

Having as much transparency as possible on the ways in which sexual violence is addressed is important for campuses to hold themselves accountable, improve their institutions, & build trust with their communities. Besides having clearly defined & easily accessible policies, here are additional steps to look for in colleges/universities that show a commitment to transparency: 

• Does your school conduct yearly campus climate surveys?

  • These anonymous climate surveys can give a clearer picture of the prevalence of sexual violence than campus crime statistics do, since so many people don’t come forward to officially report their experiences. 

• Does your campus publish aggregate statistics on:

  • The number of sexual violence reports

  • The number of accommodations requested by survivors that were denied

  • The average length of time Title IX cases remained open

  • The number of students who were found responsible in Title IX cases

  • The ways in which students found responsible were sanctioned

SUPPORTS

Since campus sexual violence is an unfortunately common issue, knowing what resources & supports are available both on & off campus is important knowledge to have, in case you or anyone you know may need it.

• What accommodations are available to survivors?

  • Survivor accommodations may include things such as moving dorms/classes/dining halls/campus workplaces/etc, allowing more time to complete tests/assignments, issuing no-contact-orders, & others.

• What medical services are available to survivors?

  • Do they provide free access to emergency contraceptives to all survivors?

  • Do they provide free access to HIV post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) to all survivors?

  • Is there a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE nurse) on campus?

    • If not, is there a medical facility nearby that has SANE nurses on staff? 

• Is there an office on campus that has survivor advocates & professional staff whose focus is to support survivors & help them access resources/accommodations? 

  • This office should be separate from any offices that receive reports of sexual violence

• Is there 24/7 crisis response coverage provided by the school?

  • If not, are there local survivor support agencies who provide these services?

PREVENTION

Appropriately responding to instances of sexual violence & providing supports to survivors is critical, but it’s only reactionary. In order to make progress in stopping these cases from happening in the first place a consistent & considerable dedication to prevention efforts must be made. Learning more about your school’s prevention programming is important to understanding how dedicated they are to creating safer, more inclusive, campus cultures. 

• Is there a dedicated staff person or office responsible for leading prevention education on campus?

• Does the school require continuous, comprehensive violence prevention education for everyone on campus?

  • Prevention education should be integrated in multiple different formats, multiple times every year (NOT just a 1 time session during orientation)

  • Topics covered should include: prevalence & impacts of sexual violence, affirmative consent (a “yes means yes” focus, NOT just a “no means no” focus), boundaries, impacts of drugs & alcohol on sexual violence, bystander intervention, campus policies & procedures, campus resources & accommodations, & others.

  • Is this education inclusive of all genders, sexual orientations, identities, & backgrounds? (sexual violence is NOT just a “women’s issue”)

REFORM

Along with implementing consistent prevention programming, a commitment to reform is important for colleges/universities to have. Listening to a variety of voices, honestly looking at their shortcomings, & actually taking action to improve their campus is challenging work but so good to see happening. 

• Do they have an established working group on gender-based violence that meets regularly?

  • Are students & survivors part of this group?

  • Are their meeting notes, projects, etc. available for the public to see?

Preparing for college is both exciting & overwhelming at the same time. There’s so much to plan for & research before starting this new chapter & there’s bound to be blind spots you didn’t fully prepare for. Your campus’ culture & resources surrounding sexual violence, shouldn’t be one of them. Finding the answers to these questions & filling out the campus resource worksheet, will help ensure this essential information doesn’t get missed as you embark on your exciting new college experiences. 

*SV = Sexual violence* | *IPV = Intimate partner violence*

Survivor Stories: Honey Bear's Story

Content Notice: sexual violence, victim blaming, bullying

written by: Honey Bear* *a pseudonym

- All the names in this story have been changed -

Before the night

My friend Emily invited me out to celebrate a recent event in her and her partner's life. Initially I was not going to go because it just wasn't my scene. In the daytime there was a party that I helped set up. She had asked me again to please come! I told Emily I would be there. I wish I would have trusted my gut instincts.

When my husband dropped me off I was greeted by her group of friends who’d I seen earlier at the afternoon party. They were all mostly tipsy. My assaulter was a friend in their group, we will call him James. I didn’t know him very well but I knew some things that Emily told me. I did not hear great things about James.

The start of the night

I remember every detail of that night. We get to the first bar and I order myself drinks - mostly because I could not stand being this sober around this many drunk people. I ordered myself a total of 3 drinks, not that it really mattered.

Another guy in the group bought me my second drink. I knew him fairly well and he's always been super nice and funny. Cool - I felt absolutely fine and steady with the drinks I had had so far. I was loosening up a bit and felt less anxious.

The first signs

I remember James sitting far too close to me and I crept closer to the girls next to me. I leaned as far away from him as I could. Another guy noticed and asked one of the girls to move him and sit next to me because I was clearly uncomfortable. I felt I had given enough signs to show I was uncomfortable, however I am glad someone noticed and took action.

I remember early on feeling compassion for James. He seemed like a troubled guy and he reminded me a lot of an old friend I had years ago who passed away. I felt because James reminded me so much of someone I knew that I could understand him a little and be a friend to him. I thought I'd kept it friendly.

We went to the next club/bar and we were asked for drink orders after we paid for our entrance fee. James ordered me, himself and Dane drinks. I was like hmm okay fine, I'll have one. That was my last drink.

The assault

I am not much of a dancer so Emily and her friends were mostly out on the dance floor. I sat back at the booth. James sat with me. We talked and joked and stuff. It felt fairly normal.

I then went to the restroom. After returning, I am certain I took some sips of my drink. Which by the way.... please never leave your drink unattended of course. I filtered through the fact that maybe I could have been drugged. I do not know if it was because I remember pretty much my whole night. But I came to the conclusion that I most likely wasn't.

Suddenly, I remember leaning in the booth to rest for a bit. I felt tired. Which is a little odd because when I drink I'm usually energetic and giggly.

James was next to me and slid his hands under my sweater. I could feel his breath on me. I froze, I felt paralyzed. I felt as though a ghost of me was watching me from above.. telling me “get up, move!” Like how you feel in a dream. I couldn’t move. I laid there, frozen. I know he was touching underneath my sweater, my waist, my boobs. I don't recall if it got any further than that. I later found out that this is called Tonic Immobility and a lot of victims experience this.

Luckily, Emily’s friend Linda noticed. She called out my name and I looked up at her like I saw an angel in disbelief. She asked if I needed help, I couldn’t really talk but I remember nodding in fear. She grabbed me as I cried hysterically and she walked me around looking for Emily. We stopped at a bar area and Linda grabbed me some water. I am incredibly grateful for Linda to have been there that night and witnessed and saved me from what could have been a worse situation.

The end of the night

Emily was very much wasted, what appeared to be black out drunk. I thought Linda and I had told her but it must not have been communicated to her.

I spoke with other people in the group. I remember crying into Danes' shoulders. I knew what happened. I was crying for a reason. I had to remind myself that I wasn't just going crazy or imagining things.

We ended up outside of the club. I was still a bit hysterical, a girl outside the bar noticed - Lacey. She came up to me and asked if I was ok. I didn't know her but I think I told her yes, I'm ok. She insisted I add her on social media, and she asked me if I needed any help. Days after I got to speak to her.

She said "I can testify to you being in distress. I've never approached someone the way I approached you. It was a genuine concern. I told my friend I was worried about you too."

Wow, a stranger was so kind to me. She was worried about me that night and she made it a point to come up to me and I thank her so much for that.

The night sorta ended there, we all walked back to the cars once everyone was ready. I remember at one point James trying to walk near me and I said "No, get away from me" and I went on the opposite side of the sidewalk. During the walk to the car I called my husband, told him what happened. A girl in the group spoke to him. I remember her telling him "oh she's ok..." but don't really remember what else she said.

Getting home was a bit chaotic. Luckily James was not in the car I was in. My wonderful husband stayed awake. I just got ready for bed and the night was over. Linda texted me to let me know she was home safe and I texted back to let her know I was home safe as well.

The next morning I was filled with denial and calmness regarding what had happened. I needed to find a calm way to maneuver this because after all James is their friend. I only really knew Emily in the group. These were all her friends...

Why would anyone take my side? Why would anyone blame my abuser? I shouldn't make this a big deal, right?

Linda’s Messages

I messaged Linda, thanking her for last night.

In my message I said "I don't know if I was over dramatizing whatever was going on in that booth but I appreciate you being there and grabbing me"

Looking back... Why was I doubting myself? Why did I make excuses?

Linda messaged back giving me a bit more detail "I got to be superwoman last night and pulled you from a burning car"

This validated my experience. She also said looking back that she had wished she punched him in the face. What a super woman, my hero.

I asked Linda if she remembered where he was touching me. I told her I felt like it was my waist and boobs but wasn't sure if she had more information.

Linda replied "You were slumped over, almost like a nap. His right hand was on your lower back and going for your right pocket but I couldn't see his left hand sorry. Also an important note, you were total dead weight and very floppy."

I thanked her again for all the information she's given me and for being my hero. I told her that I remember that I was definitely feeling like dead weight and when I was slumped over I was frozen.

I gave Emily some time that day to recoup from that night. I called her with my main intention of bringing up what James did.

Looking back I thought:

Maybe it was how calm I was when I called her? Maybe it was the way I brushed off that he was drunk and so was I?

I told her he touched me but I was okay. Emily just sorta said something along the lines of oh wow. It was a brief call but I know I told her a less detailed version.

Jasmine’s Messages

I sat and stewed for a day, because I felt I had no support… it happened… I know it did. I had texts with Linda to prove it when she told me what she saw after. I reached out to another girl in the friend group - who was not there but I talked to her early the day of.

I reached back out to her and told her what happened. I just wanted someone to talk to, I also just wanted everyone to know what he did. I wanted it to be known. Jasmine was very supportive. I told her I have been trying to play it off as no big deal because he's everyone's friend but as days passed by, I felt no one cared to notice or check in on me. I realized, these weren't my friends.. They were Emily's and James' friends. I felt powerless, I felt like I needed to do things the right way and I needed to be very careful. Did I do things the right way?

Jasmine listened to me - told me what he did was not ok.

Finally, someone said it.

She said "he has absolutely no right to touch you in any way"

Thank you Jasmine, you made me feel safe and validated in these moments. She was upset, I thought: Finally, someone was upset so I could be upset too right? Jasmine offered to talk to James or at least Dane who could bring this up to James. Nothing really came out of that because Dane refused to do so and no one wanted to be involved.

Emily’s Messages

A couple days later I finally let Emily know the more detailed version.

I said "I don't think what happened over the weekend was OK at all. I've been processing things and…"

The next sentence - I acknowledge what I said was uncalled for and I did apologize for this.

"I don't think a good friend would've let this happen & then not address things with James or ask me if I am ok. I don't blame James, or really anyone, I'm more upset at the fact that I haven't had support from you after it all happened. I am not ok and I think I really need time to reassess our friendship and have some space from this dynamic"

I did blame James though, once I got past whatever compassion I thought I had for him.. i blamed him - I just didn't want his friends to know in fear that they'd dislike me

Her response felt less than sympathetic.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't mean to blame her, of course in the end I blame James. Was I allowed to blame him? Should I have approached Emily differently?

My next message I apologized and told her that I didn't mean to put any blame on her. I think in that sentence I meant it more like... after her finding out I guess I had hoped she'd say "Ok - whos ass do I gotta kick for you?" You know, something clear and supportive.

She asked me to please tell her what happened. So I did. That was the first time I finally recognized what happened to me as Sexual Assault.

I said "James Sexually assaulted me and touched me. I was in the booth slouched over and he was touching my upper body and boobs and waist. I could not move but my mind was awake. Linda saved me and grabbed me and I was in shock."

She finally responded in a somewhat empathetic way - "I am so sorry. I'm glad Linda helped you, I don't even know what to say. I hope you know I wouldn't ever let that just slide"

I thought, What does that mean? I guess I could have asked her, “Well are you going to do something about it?” Did I expect her to do something?

Told her I am dropping out of this toxic friend dynamic. I made it very clear that I do not put any blame at all on her. I made my decision, I could not face these people, my abuser or anyone else that chose not to believe me.

Her response was "Honestly, I don't want to be rude or mean. But for you to do this to me right now?" I don't think it's beneficial to get into her response because it wasn’t good.

If you're always giving and giving in a friendship and not really getting anything in return - Is it worth it? Do we want friends that don't believe us? Do we want friends that make themselves out to be the victims?

She asked me why I told Jasmine what happened.

At that moment, I felt like I could not catch a break. I felt the bigger issue at hand was not being addressed and I had to now explain myself for telling other people about what happened to me - which I had every right to do so.

I said "I wanted to bring more awareness to it and Jasmine was willing to speak to Dane to confront James"

Emily replied "Jasmine is going to confront James? She wasn't even there. That seems so random to me that you brought her into it"

I remember this moment.. I lost it. I truly felt crazy. I didn't know what Emily wanted from me, I didn't know what she wanted me to say.

She insisted "I'm trying to help you and understand what you went through, if you want to get rude and offended by that it shows you don't know me"

I felt guilty. I felt like I wasn't allowed to feel how I felt. I felt like she kept saying she wouldn't let this slide, that she wants to help but nothing she was saying was really helping.

I was getting flack for telling someone that wasn't there. I was in trouble for that. I just wanted to tell my side. I just wanted someone to listen. There was no explaining myself out of this, because me telling someone else was wrong in her eyes.

Emily said "I'm confused and upset because everyone I've asked about it has said something different".

The moment my story wasn’t believed

I immediately called her because my heart dropped. I asked her "What do you mean everyone has said something different?"

This. This was the moment I felt my world crashing all around me. The moment I realized why SA victims do not speak up. Why SA victims feel silenced. The moment I truly started questioning myself and my sanity.

Emily told me peoples stories were different from what happened to me. I asked her "But did you speak to Linda? She saved me that night. What did she say?"

I guess Linda said I was leaning against James.

Did that little detail change everything for Emily? Did me leaning on him mean I did not suffer unwanted touching?

How I felt

I hit a dead end. It was their words against mine. I felt doubt rising but I luckily had other people around me who listened, who instilled resilience in me, who reminded me how strong I am. I believe in myself, my husband believes me, the people who care about me believe me - that has to be enough.. right?

Later that week, I decided to file a police report. I wanted to do everything in my power to get justice. To at least get my story out and give myself a peace of mind knowing I tried all I could.

It's hard to speak out because at times I think to myself:

Well, what happened to me wasn't that bad. People go through way worse than what happened to me

But - I needed to do everything I could in case this happened to anyone else. Maybe I could help someone else. Maybe I could make a difference.

The last phone call I had with Emily, she cried. I cried the last few days and the stage I was at at that point was anger.

Anger that no one believed me.

Anger that in a sense they believed James and whoever else who told their story.

Emily didn't ever tell me she believed me, she told me she didn't not believe me. She said she didn't want to belittle me, but she did. She minimized what I went through.

Talking to her, there was nothing I could say or do to be heard. The damage was done and this chapter of my life was officially closed.

What I wished would have happened

Prior to that phone call, I did tag Emily in a couple SA videos on social media.

Emily's fiancé texted my husband to tell me to stop harassing her and ruining her life. I made it very clear to her that she was not at fault, she had no blame. Truly, it comes down to how a friend responds to you.

How I wished she responded:

"I am so sorry that happened to you"

"I believe you"

"I am going to address this immediately"

"I am going to do XYZ to help you in anyway i can"

"This was not OK"

How I wish I'd responded:

"None of this was your fault, it was my abusers"

Moving forward

Part of me wishes I'd stayed silent. Maybe it would have been easier for me to live with it if that meant I could still have Emily in my life. But, things happened the way they had to. I realized a lot about what I want in a friend and that I deserve people who believe my truth, who would be an ally to me.

I could go back and forth in my head about all the things I could have done differently. I know at the end of the day I learned a big lesson. I have no resentment for Emily or anyone else in her friend group (Except for James). I am moving forward knowing I did what I could and If this ever happens to anyone else in my life, I know exactly what to say to be there for them and I will always believe the victims story. I don't drink anymore, I'm not sure when or if I ever will unless it's a drink at dinner. I have already been in therapy the past couple years so I continue to use my sessions to discuss my experience and it has helped so much with my anxiety and determining what type of friends I want in the future.

Thank you for listening to my story.

COVID's Impact On SV and DV

By: Ian Doty, Spring 2021 Grant Intern

When COVID-19 struck many around the world thought it would pass rather quickly. Remembering Swine and Bird Flu, many pondered: “A pandemic? Today? This isn’t the middle ages!”. Sadly, COVID-19 silently creeped its way around the globe, moving swiftly from country to country until eventually ending up in the United States. Soon hospitals were filled, family members and friends got sick, and many around the nation lost their jobs. The country was placed on lockdown, masks were mandated, and social distancing kept us apart. Many staying home for months on end. Countries around the world followed suit, this pandemic has been so impactful that the world economy faced the largest recession since the Great Depression… many now at home, without a source of income, and in close proximity.

COVID-19 is the main pandemic, the one we see on our television screens and the one we see online, as the numbers counting the total sick and dead from this terrible virus continue to grow. It has resulted in 30 million in the United States losing their jobs and turmoil in family life. However, another virus came as an unfortunate byproduct of the precautions meant to make people safe from this disease: sexual and domestic violence.

Domestic violence against women rose a staggering 25% worldwide… in every country, city, and town. A report from Harvard Medical School found that in March 2020, minors made up half of the calls to the National Sexual Assault Hotline and RAINN hotline for the first time ever. Furthermore, the National Sexual Assault Hotline saw a general increase of calls by 40% above average. Of minors who reported coronavirus-related concerns, 67% identified their perpetrator as a family member, and 79% said they were living with that perpetrator. This is unsurprising, as approximately 80% of sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim. With the high stress the pandemic has placed on society it is sad to see a rise in cases due to such close proximity.

This poses an astronomical challenge for those fighting sexual abuse. The fact that the most vulnerable in our society became some of the most impacted is devastating.

Currently in the United States someone is sexually assaulted every 73 seconds, and it is presumed rates of reporting have decreased while rates of sexual violence have risen. For example, forensic nurse examiners in Washington D.C. performed only 24 forensic exams in March of 2020, a 43% decrease from March 2019. Yet in Fear 2 Freedom’s home state of Virginia there has been a 76% increase in calls, texts, and chats to the statewide hotline. 46% of Virginia agencies reported increasing demands for services and 87% of Virginia agencies reported “significant shifts'' in staffing to help survivors in need. The impact of COVID has not only affected survivors but also those who work tirelessly to stem the flow of unnecessary violence. Most sexual violence counseling providers and shelters had to reduce or cancel some of their services due to the strain the pandemic caused, despite domestic violence organizations seeing an increase in need for sexual violence counseling. For those who feel unable to seek help because of the proximity to their abuser, the lifting of restrictions should see a turnaround in the number of reported cases.

The reason behind this decrease in reporting is multi-faceted, but fear of going to the hospital and facing retribution is likely a large contributor. With this information in mind, we should all batten down the hatches and prepare for the aftermath that this pandemic has caused and stand together to help everyone in need when they come for help. It will not be easy for anyone involved: the nurses, the counselors, the volunteers, and most certainly not the victims; but we all must do our part in the days ahead for a better and brighter future.