Intersection of Autism & Sexual Assault

written by: Karli Wilson, F2F intern, spring 2024

With April being both Autism awareness month and sexual assault awareness month, it is an ideal time to shed light on where these topics intersect. Sexual violence, a pervasive issue that affects all walks of life and is often overlooked or misunderstood, especially when it comes to how it impacts neurodivergent individuals. Neurodiversity means a difference in neurological functioning. It is an umbrella term for a wide range of experiences, including sensory processing and communication differences. It encompasses individuals with conditions such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and others. Those within the neurodiverse community have unique and individual experiences with the world. Sexual violence presents unique challenges for those who experience, report, and recover from it. In this blog, we'll delve into the intersection of Autism and sexual violence, shedding light on the complexities involved and exploring avenues for support and advocacy.

Understanding Neurodiversity & Sexual Assault Statistics:

Autism, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by persistent challenges with social interaction, communication, restricted interests, and repetitive behaviors. These characteristics can manifest in a wide range of intensity and may vary significantly from one individual to another.

According to research, males are more likely than females to be diagnosed with autism. However, this may be due to differences in presentation rather than prevalence. Females with autism often exhibit different patterns of behavior and may camouflage their symptoms more effectively than males, leading to underdiagnosis or misdiagnosis. They may also have other interests and coping mechanisms compared to males with autism. Co-occurring disorders such as anxiety and depression can complicate the diagnostic process for females with autism. A gender-sensitive approach to diagnosing and supporting individuals with autism is becoming increasingly popular as a means of ensuring that they receive the appropriate care and support.

According to a survey conducted in 2022, a staggering 90% of autistic women have faced sexual violence, which is two to three times higher than the rate among non-autistic women. This statistic is alarming and highlights a significant issue within the autistic community. Regarding sexual violence and assault, research indicates that sexual victimization is a particular concern for autistic youth. Studies have shown that autistic individuals, especially those with profound disabilities, are at a significantly greater risk of experiencing unwanted sexual contact, violence, and victimization compared to their non-autistic counterparts. Autistic youth are reported to be three to four times more likely than non-autistic youth to experience sexual victimization, and between 40% and 50% of autistic adults report experiencing sexual abuse during childhood (Autism Research Institute, 2023).

Similarly, autistic adults also face a higher prevalence of sexual harassment and abuse compared to the neurotypical population. A recent investigation into violence experienced by autistic adults found that 75.4% of participants reported sexual harassment, with nearly 60% reporting experiences of sexual violence. In comparison, the rates among non-autistic participants were lower, at 56.4% for sexual harassment and 28.2% for sexual violence (Autism Research Institute, 2023).

This heightened risk of sexual victimization extends to girls, women, and female-presenting autistic individuals. An online survey revealed that as many as nine out of every ten autistic women have experienced sexual violence, with 75% reporting that their first experience occurred during childhood or adolescence. These findings underscore the urgent need for awareness, advocacy, and support to address the vulnerabilities faced by autistic individuals, especially women and youth, in the face of sexual violence and victimization (Autism Research Institute, 2023).

Risks & Ways to Combat Sexual Violence 

  • Infantilization of Neurodivergent People:

    • The infantilization of neurodivergent individuals refers to society's tendency to treat them as if they were younger or less mature than their actual age or capabilities. This can occur in various aspects of life, including education, employment, healthcare, and interpersonal relationships.

      • In healthcare settings, neurodivergent individuals may be dismissed or disbelieved when expressing their symptoms or concerns, leading to inadequate treatment or support. Healthcare providers may overlook their capacity for decision-making and involve them less in their care planning.

      • In interpersonal relationships, neurodivergent individuals may be patronized or treated as if they cannot make their own choices or understand complex situations. Friends, family members, or caregivers may exert excessive control over their lives, denying them agency and independence.

  • Sexual Health Education:

    • Overall, equipping individuals (especially youth) with accurate and complete knowledge of sex and sexuality allows them to have the vocabulary and understanding if they are assaulted, especially within the neurodivergent community, who are overlooked and also underestimated as they go into their adult lives. Moreover, individuals within the neurodiverse community often receive less education on sexual health and have limited exposure to their peers' dating norms and practices. This lack of understanding can leave them susceptible to sexual assault and exploitation and, in some cases, may inadvertently lead to violations of sexual ethics. “A 2021 study on psychosexual knowledge and education found that autistic adults had less sex-related knowledge and higher rates of victimization compared with neurotypical respondents.” (Autism Research Institute, 2023)

  • Aftercare:

    • Neurodiverse survivors will need treatment/aftercare that takes their sensory and cognitive differences into account (Evolve Team, 2021).

In conclusion, it's crucial to recognize the unique challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals. The statistics reveal a stark reality: neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with autism, are at a significantly higher risk of experiencing sexual violence and harassment compared to the general population. This vulnerability stems from various factors, including education barriers, lack of understanding from the general public, and societal biases towards neurodivergent people. Combatting sexual violence within the neurodivergent community requires advocating for better access to comprehensive sexual health education, challenging the infantilization of neurodivergent individuals, and ensuring trauma-informed support services that accommodate their needs.

Moving forward, it's essential to amplify the voices of neurodivergent survivors, center their experiences in advocacy efforts, and work towards creating a society where all individuals, regardless of neurodiversity, can live free from the fear of sexual violence.

Citations:

Autism Research Institute. (2023, September 1). Sexual victimization in autism. https://autism.org/sexual-victimization-in-autism/

Evolve Team. (2021, April 30). Tough to talk about: Sexual assault and exploitation as it impacts the Neurodiversity Community. https://www.evolve-coaching.org/post/tough-to-talk-about-sexual-assault-and-exploitation-as-it-impacts-the-neurodiversity-community

Resources:

National Sexual Assault Hotline (Available 24 hours): 1-800-656-4673

Responding to Survivors with Autsim Spectrum Disorders: an Overview for Sexual Assault Advocates

Neurodiversity, Autism & Recovery from Sexual Violence: A Practical Resource for All Those Working to Support Victim-Survivors

Let’s Support Black Survivors Better

written by: Linda Li, F2F intern, spring 2024

Black History Month is indeed a time of celebration and joy, but it is also an opportunity to spotlight the work we need to do to support Black survivors of sexual violence. One in five Black women have experienced rape at some point in their lives, and Black women are at highest risk of any racial group for experiencing sexual violence perpetrated by police officers. Since the 1970s, women of color have criticized feminist theory and political practices for overlooking the nuanced intersections of race, class, able-bodiedness, and other forms of inequality. To counter this single-axis framing of thinking, in 1989, Black feminist scholar Kimberle Crenshaw coined the term “intersectionality” to better articulate the structural conditions of power and control. Intersectionality is a metaphor for the interlocking ways that multiple inequalities can marginalize individuals in distinct and, often, compounded ways. Combining intersectional analysis with practical policies and community advocacy will build meaningful coalitions and empower survivors to get the justice they deserve.

Understanding the Context

It is important to contextualize these harrowing statistics instead of merely attributing the epidemic of violence to biased assumptions. Restrictions on women of color’s—specifically Black women’s—autonomy and reproductive freedom are essential to understanding the challenges they face. Guided by the principles of Social Darwinism, scientists and academics in the 19th and 20th centuries packaged racial discrimination into “scientific” discourses that warned that the white race was combatting reproductive threats from “inferior” races. Thereafter, race science was integrated into the law and gave way to decades of eugenics experiments, anti-sodomy laws, and forced sterilizations. Additionally, laws and policies were motivated by the belief that Black reproduction was inherently deviant and spread degeneracy to future generations.

source: Western University Learning Network

These racist laws are no longer on the books, but the cultural stigma and stereotypes persist, posing a substantial obstacle to survivors of color. The barriers to accessing support services begin with the individual—implicit biases about who looks like a potential victim of violence could delay life-saving intervention. A study published in 2017 found that white female college students were less likely to help a potential victim if their name sounded Black, compared to a white sounding name. The barriers also implicate law enforcement, the very people tasked with protecting our communities. As the George Floyd protests in 2020 aptly demonstrated, police abuse against Black communities runs rampant and, thus, prevents people from reporting abuse out of fear for their personal safety. Studies have shown that Black women who defend themselves against their abusers are disproportionately criminalized or penalized. Black people are also over-represented in the carceral system, leading to family breakdowns, communities marked by grief, and precarious environments for children.

What can we do?

Intersectional feminism serves as a versatile tool for advocates to build alliances across various movements, aiming to combat all forms of injustice. For instance, effective advocates must recognize the interconnectedness between the fight for reproductive justice and the struggle against systemic racism. The reproductive justice movement's goals lose their significance in the face of racially biased systems of violence and control. Integrating an intersectional approach into sexual violence awareness and prevention begins by centering the lived experiences of marginalized populations. Feminist scholar Patricia Hill Collins termed the media stereotypes of Black women as controlling images because they normalize the misrepresentations and justify oppressive policies. Conversations about gender dynamics must also include men of color, who are especially vulnerable to police brutality yet are less likely to be believed when they report assaults. When developing trauma-informed curricula for helping survivors, practitioners should address how an individual’s social circle and community characteristics influence their beliefs and behavior. Through an intersectional lens, we’re not only recognizing the autonomy and lived experiences of all women but also inspiring others to take action. Together, we can continue to amplify voices, advocate for change, and continue supporting survivors in their journey to healing and recovery.

Here are a few more resources:

Find help near you

Spotlight on Riverside Hospital: How Forensic Nursing Is Changing The Trajectory of Care for Sexual Assault Survivors

written by: Linda Li & Tracy Johnson, F2F interns, spring 2024

During our recent visit to Riverside Regional Medical Center, forensic nurse examiner Beth Young walked us through the rapid development of forensic nursing as a subset of nursing in the past decade, explaining how increased awareness of the unique nature of sexual violence has spawned dedicated procedures for caring for victims. 

Forensic nurses play a critical role from the moment they meet a patient: supporting victims’ psychological wellbeing, collecting and submitting evidence, and liaising with patient advocates, law enforcement, and other mental health services. Before forensic nursing was recognized as a subspecialty, regular doctors lacked the trauma-informed tools to address sexual violence, making it uncomfortable to work with victims and support their journey to recovery. Beth also mentioned that patients had to wear paper scrubs, which essentially signaled to everyone in the hospital that something terrible had happened to them. 

In the examination room, we observed a quiet, warm-tinted space with floral decorations and affirmative statements plastered on the walls. They felt non-imposing, as patients would not be receptive to excessive encouragement in the immediate aftermath of an incident. Beside the patient’s bed was a chair for the victim advocate, who is also trained to respond empathetically and professionally to survivors. This set-up is significant because, as trauma-informed training emphasizes, victims of sexual violence undergo different forms of self-protection mode, and their reactions can range from extreme distress to complete stoicness. In these states of aftershock, forensic nurses must strive to maintain the integrity of evidence collection and comfort the patient before they provide their police testimony (if they so choose). Beth explained that forensic nurses could better examine victims for evidence from head-to-toe under these conditions.

As awareness of sexual assault has risen, so has the demand for forensic nurses. Nationally, and within Virginia, a shortage of certified forensic nurses is a significant barrier to providing comprehensive care to survivors. At Riverside, forensic nurses like Beth were often called to surrounding counties when a survivor of sexual violence comes forward. Riverside also served as a “hub” for Fear 2 Freedom’s Aftercare and iCare Kits, and Beth would often bring extra kits with her when she was sent to other hospitals. 

To address these challenges, Riverside has been able to provide more resources for patients by staffing the forensic nursing department 24/7. With a staff member always present, they are able to provide more support for the patients that are coming in. This means that a patient will have less of a wait time in the open area of the emergency room, while also having a direct line to immediate care. Forensic nurses also are trained in trauma-informed care responses, so they can educate officers that show up and other staff that may interact with the patient about the best ways to support victims. All of this decreases the chances of further traumatization for the survivor. As more staff comes on, the amount of patients and quality of care given to these survivor has increased alongside each other. This continues to prove how essential forensic nurses are for these processes. 

For more information on forensic nursing you can visit the IAFN website, and to find a forensic program near you, visit their organization directory. 

This Form of Elder Abuse Isn’t Discussed Enough

written by: Lauren Carrasco-Kyllönen, Director of Programs

CONTENT NOTICE: Sexual Violence, Elder Abuse

The abuse of older adults (60 years of age or older) is a much more prevalent issue than many of us would like to believe, and it’s one that is too often overlooked. Of all the different forms of elder abuse, sexual abuse is the least reported. Similarly to sexual violence perpetuated against younger individuals, there are many factors at play as to why someone may not come forward. However, for survivors of elder sexual abuse, there are additional barriers that make disclosing and finding support challenging in unique ways:

Isolation

Having fewer interactions with others means there are fewer opportunities for survivors to get help. Elder individuals may be isolated due to:

  • Transportation challenges due to an invalid driver's license or inadequate public transit

  • No longer having friends or family nearby to check-in with

  • Experiencing physical and/or mental challenges that make it difficult for them to leave their home or communicate clearly with others

Dependency

Adjusting to increases in reliance on others can be difficult and adds barriers when sexual violence occurs:

  • When an abuser is a caretaker, reporting could mean losing the help they provide (daily care, transportation, financial support, companionship, etc)

  • Relying on others to help them get around or communicate can make freely seeking support services difficult

Stigma

The biases people hold about elderly individuals can make it more difficult for survivors to get help:

  • Incorrectly assuming elders are not sexually active, so sexual health & sexual violence aren’t things to look out for

  • Misattributing warning signs to the effects of aging, dementia, etc

  • Dismissing disclosures because they assume the survivors is “just confused”

  • Assuming older individuals are not targets because of incorrect beliefs about sexual violence as a “crime of passion”, when it is in fact about exerting power and control over another

There are so many factors at play as to why the sexual abuse of people later in life is perpetually overlooked: ageism, sexism, ableism, etc. The fact is, sexual violence DOES impact older individuals and it is not addressed enough.

In order to start to change the narrative around elder sexual abuse we need to continue unlearning our biases surrounding age, stay connected to the older people in our lives, and we MUST take the disclosures of older survivors seriously.

Resources:

If someone is in immediate danger, call 911

For non-emergent reports, contact Adult Protective Services (APS)

To speak with a trained advocate, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-4673

What is Domestic Violence? – Getting Away from the Misconceptions and Understanding the Reality

written by: Tracy Johnson, F2F intern, summer 2023

CONTENT NOTICE: domestic violence, intimate partner violence

For domestic violence awareness month, it’s fitting to dispel some of the myths and misconceptions that are spread amongst the world. Not only do most people not know exactly what domestic violence is and what forms it can take, but there is also a lack of understanding and empathy for the victims of these situations. Some victims do not recognize the severity of their situations because of this, and if they do, many times when they finally seek help from others they are met with barriers in getting people to listen, understand, and help them with their situation.

To provide a basis on what domestic violence is, it is an ongoing pattern of behaviors that is harmful or threatening within the domestic circle. This can mean any number of circumstances within a household, such as between partners, a parent figure and a child, roommates, etc. There are no limits with age, race, or gender on who can be impacted by domestic violence. This type of violence can also come in many forms, such as physical assaults, threats or verbal assaults, intimidation, use of weapons, sexual or financial manipulation, isolation, destruction of property, and more. Any of these ongoing patterns are ways that abusers try to control the lives and actions of others.

Since there is a lack of education on the subject, many misconceptions are spread throughout society. These myths keep us from being able to work toward a safer society for individuals, so let’s talk about them:

MYTH: Domestic violence is not that common

  • TRUTH: Everyone knows someone who has experienced some form of domestic violence, or has even experienced it themselves, but because of this misconception, we don’t understand how common it is. More than 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience some form of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime [1]. That means if you’re looking at a group of three friends, at least one of them has or will experience domestic violence at some point.

MYTH: Domestic violence is always physical

  • TRUTH: As we talked about a little bit above, domestic violence does not always have to be physically harmful. There are many actions abusers take to psychologically manipulate their victim into staying in the cycle of violence. Many of these tactics lead to emotional and/or economic abuse, which can escalate eventually to physical and sexual violence. Common ways that abusers gain control of their victims that are not physically violent, but violent in other ways, include but are not limited to coercive control, harassment, stalking, and digital abuse. One of the ways this can take form that does not get much attention is reproductive coercion, where one partner is pressuring the other in some way about their reproductive choices (e.g. whether or not to use certain contraception, have children, etc). This is just one example of the violence and coercion that people in these situations face, that they might not even recognize is considered domestic violence.

MYTH: People often lie or exaggerate the violence they’re experiencing

  • TRUTH: It is extremely rare for a person to falsely report their domestic violence situations. Domestic violence should never be shrugged off as “just an argument” or the reasoning that “it’s just what couples do”, because that keeps people from getting the resources they need. Only the two people in the relationship can actually get the full scope of the situation, so if one of them is reaching out for help, it has most likely gotten to the point where the individual feels unsafe in some way. Rather than passing judgment, choose to believe and listen to victims so this type of violence does not stay in the shadows.

MYTH: It is easy to just leave a domestic violence situation

  • TRUTH: There is a common thought that many people have where they think that victims should be leaving domestic violence situations as soon as it happens, and if they don’t then there’s something wrong with the victim for not doing that. However, domestic violence situations are so complicated that it is not as easy as it seems to get out of these environments. In some cases, victims may think that leaving their abuser would actually be more dangerous than staying, due to the abusers’ threats or previous actions. If victims don’t positively know that they will have a safe environment to go to, that doesn’t endanger anybody else, then most times they will not be able to leave. There are also many complicated emotions that victims may feel toward their abuser based on the manipulation that goes with these patterns of violence.

  • TRUTH: Another aspect that makes these situations more complicated is when children are put into the mix. The victim may worry about their safety, issues of custody, or not being able to provide financially for their children if they were to leave. Just because the victim has not left the violent situation, does not mean they do not care about their children. A victim is not weak just because they can’t leave their environment or it took them longer than they feel like it should have to do so.

MYTH: Only poor women experience abuse

  • TRUTH: Domestic violence crosses all societal structures of race, gender, socioeconomic class, sexuality, etc. There are definitely groups of people who are disproportionately impacted than others. Here’s some quick statistics to highlight the differences between some groups:

    • It is 35% more likely for black women to experience domestic violence than white women.  [2]

    • Households that earn less than $75,000 a year are 7 times more likely to face domestic violence issues.  [2]

    • Domestic violence situations involving transgender women were 4 times more likely to have a financial abuse aspect and 2.5 times more likely to be in a sexually violent situation than those who did not identify as transgender women. [2]

  • TRUTH: However, that does not mean that other groups of people do not have these experiences. One group that is commonly overlooked is men that are abused. Though it is not viewed as a large issue, it is more common than people think for men to be the victim in abusive relationships. Because of cultural attitudes and stigmas, male victims of domestic violence face unique challenges and barriers to seeking support.

MYTH: They were violent because they were under the influence

  • TRUTH: Being under the influence of drugs or alcohol does not excuse the actions of the abuser. Just because someone is impaired by these substances, does not mean that was the cause for the abuse. Many people drink and use drugs without lashing out at others. The abuse is not because of the substances, it is because of the person.

MYTH: They just lost their temper

  • TRUTH: Anger is not an excuse to abuse someone else. Abusers may get upset at their friends, bosses, or law enforcement but they don’t act violently towards them. Abusers do this to their victims specifically, because they know the type of control they have over this person. It is a deliberate action that can not be explained away by anger. Blaming the victim for making their abuser mad is incorrect, makes the victim feel at fault, and keeps people from speaking up about their abuse.

Effects of Misconceptions and How to Combat Them

Domestic violence is not a private family matter, it is a social issue. The misconceptions and stereotypes that we have allowed to persist in society keeps survivors from getting help from the systems that we are encouraging them to use to get out of their abusive situations. The victim blaming that happens from these myths keeps us from holding the actual abuser accountable and getting victims the resources that they need. The ironic and disheartening reality is that the people blaming the victim for staying in abusive relationships for so long actually contributes to victims feeling like they’re not able to leave. 

Some of the ways that we can combat these stereotypes is to educate people on the realities of domestic violence and offer support systems to victims. Many of these unhealthy and abusive behaviors start earlier than we think, in high school and college relationships. If we are able to educate ourselves and our young adults on the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships, we could keep people from getting into the cycle of unhealthy relationships that can often lead to victims feeling like those are the only relationships that they deserve. A great resource for recognizing the signs between a healthy and unhealthy relationship is One Love.

Having stable, nonjudgmental systems in society for people to come to if they end up being victims is another piece that is crucial to get people out of their violent situations.

Resources

The National Domestic Violence Hotline’s website is one of the best ways to find resources for victims. Their hotline, (800) 799-7233, is open 24/7, has accounts for multiple languages through a translator, and has options of either speaking to someone on the phone, texting the hotline (text START to 88788), or having a live chat on their website. They have over 100+ local resources across the nation for survivors to get connected to.

Understanding The PERK

written by: Tracy Johnson, F2F intern, summer 2023

content notice: Sexual Violence, Medical Procedures

Our founder, Rosemary Trible, has dedicated her life to supporting sexual assault victims. After witnessing so many people leaving the hospital after a PERK exam looking traumatized and many still even having to wear their hospital gowns out, Rosemary decided to create Fear 2 Freedom in hopes of preserving the dignity of survivors and providing education to communities across the nation. The AfterCare and iCare Kits that we provide to survivors contain basic essentials like clothing and toiletries for after a PERK exam, and also therapy tools for those who undergo this exam or decide to tell their stories later on. To understand the importance of these kits, it is necessary to understand what survivors face when going in to get a PERK exam done. And if you are a survivor who is reading this, contemplating whether or not you’d like to go through with the exam, hopefully this blog answers some of the questions you may be having.

Now some of you may be wondering, what even is a PERK exam. PERK stands for Physical Evidence Recovery Kit, which is a medical examination that collects evidence for a potential criminal investigation and prosecution of sexual assault, domestic violence, and other crimes. This exam is completed at a medical facility by a sexual assault nurse examiner (SANE), who has specialized training for administering these types of exams and providing trauma-informed care to their patients. These exams are thorough and are comprised of many parts, meaning they can take many hours to complete. However, patients are in control of their exam process so they can choose to skip any parts they’re not interested in doing and can stop the process at any point if they feel uncomfortable. Here are some of the common components of a PERK that nurses may go through with patients:

Tending to immediate injuries - The SANE will first tend to any injuries that need medical attention immediately, before the start of the exam. Their main priority is to make sure the survivor is safe and not in any medical danger.

Questions about medical history/general health questions - After attending to immediate health issues, the SANE nurse has to inquire about medical history, just like if someone were to go into the hospital for any type of illness or other injury, to make sure they are taking proper care of the survivor. Information about allergies, previous injuries or surgeries, etc. are important to ensure that the supplies and methods used will not cause further harm to the survivor in any way.

Questions regarding sexual activity and history - The next step is for the SANE nurse to ask some questions about the survivors sexual history. This is the one thing that most people are not prepared for when they go into the exam. The important thing to know about this step is that the SANEs are not asking these questions to judge the survivor or victim blame them in any way, these are just questions that are essential to ask in order to make sure the survivor is given the best care that can be provided. These questions can be very vital in regards to collecting evidence or getting the scope of the crime as a whole. Sometimes, evidence is collected that may not make sense without knowing this background information. Having this history can help answer important questions that SANEs may have when they find certain pieces of evidence that can help make the assessment more accurate for the survivor. This can also be used to make sure that SANEs provide you the best emotional care in not crossing boundaries that become clear with these types of questions.

Questions about the assault that took place - Even if the survivor does not decide to open a police investigation immediately, the nurses will still have to ask relevant questions about the assault that took place. This is meant to guide the nurse in areas they should pay specific attention to when doing the exam to check for injuries and collect as much evidence as possible. For instance, if the assailant kissed a certain part of the survivors body that may not be commonly thought about, such as someone’s forearm or shin rather than their face or neck, then this can cue the SANE nurse that they need to be extra careful when collecting evidence there. These questions are to make sure that the exam is as thorough as possible for the survivor, if they eventually decide to go forth with a formal investigation into the sexual violence that occurred.

Full body examination/testing & evidence gathering - This last step is where the physical examination will take place once all of the background information is gathered. The full body examination that takes place is both internal and external, where the nurses look for any injuries or spots that have evidence to be collected. This can be in the forms of taking samples of blood and urine, body swabs, hair samples, etc. SANEs will also test for pregnancy and STI and offer survivors the proper medication for these things as needed. Once these things are completed, SANE nurses will usually take pictures of the injuries and other evidence, as well as collect whatever clothing may be important for the investigation. Because the nurses will often have to take most of the patient’s clothing, and the fact that this exam can be very physically intrusive, Fear 2 Freedom’s AfterCare kits are very meaningful to help restore some dignity and hope back to the survivor after the exam.

Important General Information:

In Virginia and some other states, the PERK exam and all of the testing along with it is free of charge to survivors to make it more accessible to anyone and everyone. While the survivor is getting this exam done, they have the right to also pull their consent and stop the exam at any point of time. Even if the survivor does not want to completely stop the exam, they are always allowed to ask whatever questions they need to feel more comfortable or if they do not understand what is happening.

To encourage more survivors to come get treated and get the exam done, survivors are not required to report the incident unless the victim is under the age of 18 or a weapon such as a gun or knife was involved. This is called an anonymous PERK, where SANE nurses will complete the exam and then the PERK kit will be stored for a minimum of two years. At the end of these two years, an additional period of 10 years of storage can be requested by the survivor or law enforcement agency with a written objection to the destruction of the anonymous PERK kit.

Frequently Asked Questions:

When should I go to get the exam?

Sooner is always better when it comes to collecting as much accurate information and evidence as possible. It is recommended that survivors get the exam within 120 hours after the assault. However, any time is the right time to go as long as the survivor feels as comfortable. A survivor should not be discouraged to go just because they decided to wait a little bit. Even if there is not much evidence to collect, a survivor could still get tested for pregnancy and STIs, as well as get connected to support resources.

Do I have to go alone?

No. There are places that a survivor can call for support and survivors have a right for a trained advocate to accompany them during the exam. This advocate acts as a confidential support person for the survivors and will be there to provide support, answer questions, advocate for their wellbeing, and connect them with additional resources that they may need. The Center for Sexual Assault Survivors – information listed at the bottom of this blog – is a place local to the Newport News area that provides hospital accompaniments to survivors.

Is it okay to shower/brush my teeth/change my clothes?

In short, yes it is okay. Whatever a survivor needs to do for themselves on their journey is okay. However, if the survivor can hold out on doing any of these things it makes it more probable that accurate evidence that can be used will be found. If the survivor still needs to do any of these things, preserving as much evidence as possible beforehand, like putting their clothing in a paper bag can be helpful.

Will my parents find out?

In Virginia, if a survivor is over the age of 18 they do not have to give their health insurance while they are there, which means that their family will not find out about the assault unless the survivor wants them to. However, if the survivor is under 18 then there is a requirement to report the incident and inform their family.

How long does it take for the results to come back?

According to the Virginia Department of Forensic Science, the longest evidence that usually takes to come back, forensic biology, on average has a turnaround time of 160 days. However, this varies for each piece of evidence and for each case.

Takeaways and Resources:

For survivors, what is important to remember is there is no one correct way that you have to do this. If you do not want to get an exam at all, that’s okay. If you decide you can’t wait and have to shower or brush your teeth beforehand, that’s okay too. It’s all about doing what decision you think is best for you in the moment. The information in this article is here as a resource to help you make decisions, not give you a specific pathway that you absolutely have to follow. Whatever you decide to do, making the decision for yourself is a step in the right direction toward taking control back of your life and getting to a place where you feel free again.

Below our some resources to get more information for either you or a loved one:

Addressing The Red Zone: Changing College Cultures

Content Notice: Sexual Violence

written by: Rachel Thornton, F2F Intern Summer 2023

You have probably heard of Title IX, the federal law that prevents sex-based discrimination in schools receiving federal funding. You may have even heard of the Clery Act, which requires colleges and universities to provide sexual violence awareness and prevention programs. But have you heard of the Red Zone?

The Red Zone lasts from August until November and is the period wherein 50% of sexual assaults on college campuses occur [1]. This aligns with the start of the fall semester, when many students celebrate the return to campus with parties that can involve high usage of alcohol and drugs. While impairment certainly does not mean a survivor is responsible for being victimized, it is important to remember the increased risks that may be associated with consuming substances to help protect yourself in such scenarios.

Students who are especially vulnerable during the Red Zone are freshman and new transfers, who are more likely to be unfamiliar with the campus. Since they have just arrived on campus, they may also not know about resources they can seek out for help [2].

The first step to addressing the Red Zone is to raise awareness about it. If students are informed about the increased risk in their first few months at school, they can better protect themselves and their peers. To learn more, check out last summer’s blog post: What All Students Should Know About Their Campus & Sexual Violence Before Starting College. This article contains information on policies, transparency, supports, and prevention, as well as a useful resource sheet students can use.

As important as raising awareness on the Red Zone is, the culture on college campuses must also be changed for the long-lasting protection of students from sexual violence. This blog contains practical advice for students and parents on how each individual can work towards reducing the harm of the Red Zone at their school in small ways.

While it can be scary to learn about, the Red Zone should not cause you to lock yourself in your room and never leave. You are at college primarily to learn, but also to gain experiences and make connections. With some extra effort, you can have a great time at school and stay safe too! The best way to protect yourself and your friends is to make little tweaks, not entirely close yourself off.

Here are ten examples of how you can follow your original plan with an added-on safety measure to protect yourself and your friends from sexual violence or other harm.

By making minor changes to your daily routine, you can make a difference in your life, your friends’ lives, and your campus culture. All it takes is being intentional about your plans and choices.

Sending your children off to a place where you know they may be harmed is quite difficult. Make an effort to channel any fear or worries you may have into positive conversations to help keep them safe. Framing conversations in a way that respects the independence and maturity of your college-aged children is crucial, as this greatly increases the likelihood that they will take your advice.

Consider the following examples of how the same information can be communicated in different ways, one of which is much more likely to resonate with young adults.

Some of these examples are a bit dramatic, but the point stands: having calm, adult conversations about these issues is the best way to protect your children when they go off to college. You can make a difference, even from afar!

By working together to change campus cultures in small ways, students and parents can reduce the harm caused by the Red Zone. Unfortunately, more than 65% of sexual assaults that happen in the fall semester each year are committed against freshmen [1]. That is why it is so important for new students and their parents to educate themselves and learn prevention strategies together.

Remember, just because a college or university does not report high rates of sexual violence does not mean that no such incidents are occurring. Due to the stigma surrounding sexual assault on campus, it is estimated that 90% of undergraduate women who are assaulted do not report the crime to authorities or to the school [3]. So regardless of how safe you think a college may be, take the time to discuss prevention methods.

Together, we can work together protect freshmen and other students on college campuses during the Red Zone. Even small changes can add up to a huge result, making it all the more important to have the tough conversations in advance. Join us in our efforts to Be The Change to end sexual violence!

[1] NBC News, 2016 | [2] John Hopkins University, 2021 | [3] University Business, 2021

Every Person Counts!

written by: Kadetra Cooper, Fear 2 Freedom COO

“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness, We need not wait to see what others do.” - Mahatma Gandhi

Nonprofit organizations continue to face increases in demand, limited resources, and the reduction of staff over the past few years.  As a result, volunteers are an impactful resource for sustainability in the nonprofit community.  Fear 2 Freedom (F2F) is not a stranger to the challenges faced in the nonprofit sector, which is why we mobilize volunteers and interns throughout the organization on a consistent basis.  

F2F provides opportunities within our Programs, Development, and Partnerships & Logistics departments; as well as administrative tasks within our main office and events team.  We ended the most recent fiscal year with a little under 1,300 volunteer hours completed by over 170 volunteers serving in various capacities.   

The summer of 2023 has been a busy time for the F2F staff, interns, and volunteers.  We are a small and mighty team with a big mission to fulfill!  In late June, we had Annual Inventory Day, which was a massive undertaking.  During this time we partnered with Volunteer Hampton Roads, VolunteerMatch, Serve the City Peninsula, and Youth Volunteer Corps Hampton Roads to secure groups of volunteers for various projects.  One of the projects included counting approximately 60,000 inventory items used in our kits of hope and healing given to victims of sexual violence. 

I took an opportunity to connect with a Christopher Newport University student volunteer, Mckenzie Hurley, about how she is personally impacted by volunteering and what drew her to F2F.  Mckenzie shared,

“volunteering with F2F brings me an immense amount of joy knowing that even helping with the smallest things can make a large impact in survivors' lives. I love being able to give back to my community and a group that has brought so much hope and joy back to people's lives; it is a special feeling being able to walk away from volunteering feeling like you have made a difference.  I love volunteering with F2F because the staff has the biggest hearts, works to create positive change in people's lives, and works hard to support survivors. I love being surrounded by that kind of community, which draws me in.”

 Speaking with her was a reminder that the work of volunteers has a clear and direct impact on the people and communities being served, but the benefits go far beyond.  

You may be asking yourself, why should I volunteer?  The answer to that question is different for everyone.  Volunteering gives you an avenue to give back to others, fuels your sense of purpose, and is good for building relationships in communities. Hands-on philanthropy is a strength and investment that should not be overlooked.  Each of us have unlimited opportunities to leave a meaningful stamp on the world by how we show up.  

If you are looking for volunteer or internship opportunities we would love to connect with you! Reach out to us at getinvolved@fear2freedom.org for information.

The Power of Having A Good Support System

written by: Caroline Branch, F2F Intern Spring 2023

Healing from a hardship tends to be a personal journey that is walked alone. Whether that is a personal choice or reality, having a strong, positive support system contributes to healing. Social isolation and loneliness is not a healthy and effective form of  recovery. Not only is having a strong support system essential during hardships, but it is also important to have throughout prosperity because there is power in having a positive network.

Most people do not tend to understand the depth of the benefits and importance of having a positive network during life’s hardships until they personally experience it. This is because it is difficult to ask for help and advice from others. A support system doesn’t have to be this large expansive network, it can be just one or two close people. Whatever the size, they can be powerful forces for healing & wellness if they provide you with practical support for your mental & physical health. 

Many people, including myself, frequently think that it is easier to do things alone. We may choose to not worry about our own health because it feels “simpler” or “easier”. However, this is far from the truth. A true support system reminds you to take care of yourself and encourages you to be yourself throughout the difficult times we all face. In the process of healing from hardships, your support system is a group for you to rely and lean on. However, there are steps and precautions to take when building the most beneficial support system for you personally. Here are some helpful tips to build your support system. 

1. Be open to seeking & receiving help

Remind yourself that it’s okay to ask for help when you are in need of it and do your best to accept it even when it may be difficult. 

2. Review your current relationships

Whether those are familial, friendships, or other social circles, try to ask yourself if they have your best interest in mind. Evaluate who offers the most positive influence and gives the best, and most truthful advice. Honest guidance is something everyone needs to receive in order to grow, mature, and develop. 

3. Care for your physical health to help your mental health

Engage in new activities like clubs, sport teams, or a workout group that can help boost your mood and improve your physical health in ways that work for your body and lifestyle. Physical health is just as important as emotional or mental health because they are all linked.

Expanding and building a solid support system is way easier said than done. Remind yourself that it takes time and even though it may be difficult to ask for help from others, building the right support network is absolutely worth it. From my own personal experience, it has helped me grow as a person and inspired me to be there for others as much as they are there for me. Healing from hardships is a journey, but the power of a good support system can help us rise above any hardship more effectively than when we try to go at it alone. Who is your support system?

Sexual Assault: Healing, Triggers, & Self-Care

content notice: sexual violence

written by: Virginia Woodward, CEO, Fear 2 Freedom

During Mental Health Awareness Month, here’s a look at how devastating sexual violence is for the wellbeing of victims & survivors. F2F CEO Virginia Woodward shares how to take mental resilience steps & practice self care when triggers cause distress…

As a university student I was violently assaulted. At the time – faced with death – surviving seemed important. But I didn’t know how hard the journey from victim to survivor would be. 

In my experience, healing is a journey that takes time, courage and grace.

Surviving sexual violence creates a plethora of triggers. A smell, a sound, the weather, certain words, a song blares out…and we are transported back to a place of horror and fear. For survivors the context of assault varies from rape, abuse from intimate partners and molestation, to acts of random violence like what happened to me.

That’s why there are so many different kinds of triggers. No matter what our triggers are, it’s hard to deal with the hurt, pain and fear that can cripple our forward momentum.

On my healing journey from victim to survivor here are a few self-care coping mechanisms I learned when triggers stopped me in my tracks.

1. IT’S NOT MY FAULT  Repeat this mantra: it’s not my fault!  This is SO important. Many survivors – including me – play the blame game. We heap blame and shame on ourselves. We belabor “if only…”

Don’t go there. Repeat, “It’s NOT my fault” – and believe it. I am NOT to blame - the perpetrator of what happened to me is to blame.

Again, this is important: IT’S NOT MY FAULT!

2. SEEK HELP  Dealing with trauma is hard on our own. We may think we are super resilient with our bravery shields set on maximum, but going at it alone most likely won’t cut it. When triggers knocked me down and my bravado started to crumble, a friend suggested I go to Student Health at our university. There I met with a counselor who helped me deal with what happened. 

If you are not comfortable with counseling, there are also anonymous hotlines to call. Sharing your story can help you find your voice again.

3. REACH OUT  The counselor at Student Health told me to let my friends be there for me. I had kept my assault secret, not wanting to drag my closest friends into the horror I was experiencing. Once I shared what happened they stepped up. Looking back I never would have made it through that tough time without them. 

Find friends and loved ones you trust. Let them be there for you.

4.  GIVE YOURSELF TIME   Healing is a journey, not a checklist. It takes time, so we need to give ourselves the space, grace and time to heal. When triggers literally paralyzed me with fear, I had to let go. Breathe in, breathe out. Let it pass. For the first year there were many triggers, the second year a few less…until eventually triggers lost their power over me.  (This can be a long process, not a “quick fix!”)

Be patient with yourself! Let your tears flow (they will eventually stop.)

5.  SELF-CARE   It’s important to take care of ourselves. In the beginning as a victim I had trouble looking in the mirror. I felt so ugly! Although with my bright red hair I cut a svelte figure, I felt lower than low, like why bother with make-up? But, as a survivor I put make-up on anyway. 

Moving from victim to survivor, looking in the mirror became not such a bad thing. I finally saw that what happened to me did not make me less lovely, I could start listening to affirming voices around me saying, “You are beautiful” - even if it took awhile to believe it.

When triggers make you feel unlovely, stop and do something that makes you feel beautiful, affirmed, pampered – a bubble bath, pedicure, haircut, some kind of treat – because YOU ARE VALUABLE. Believe it. Go back and look in the mirror and don’t let what happened to you define you.

Chihuly string lights light up a garden at dusk

6.  LET LIGHT IN   Surviving sexual assault sent me into a dark place where fear crippled me inside my very core. As a student I kept up a brave front on the outside – studying for classes and being the life of the party – but inside things were dark and teary. Gradually I learned to let the light in. Here’s the thing, I had to make space for the light – the beauty of a sunset, exquisite flowers, faith, friends and family. And, laughter. I thought I would never laugh again, but guess what? Laughter was part of my healing journey.

Take violent shows off your playlist and make space for comedy, for comic books, for what makes you laugh. There is hope and healing in laughter.

7.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE   One reason I’m sharing this today is to let you know you are not alone. On my healing journey I encountered other survivors - like our F2F founder Rosemary Trible - who gave me hope. Hearing their stories gave me courage to keep going. When triggers decimated me, I remembered how they overcame their fears. It helped to know I wasn’t alone on my healing journey; that others had moved from victim to survivor, really and truly healed.

F2F CEO, Virginia Woodward, & F2F Founder, Rosemary Trible, stand shoulder to shoulder & smile for camera

And so, I will attest that over time my journey took me from victim to survivor, from the crippling constraints of fear to the place of freedom – where restored joy is now a possibility each and every day.







#SAAM2023 - Drawing Connections: Prevention Demands Equity

written by: Lauren Carrasco-Kyllönen, Director of Programs

What's This Year’s Focus?

NSVRC's theme for #SAAM2023 is "Drawing Connections: Prevention Demands Equity". So what does that actually mean? It's about recognizing how sexual violence is inextricably linked to so many other forms of oppression. It's about understanding that, in order to truly prevent SV, we must also address they ways in which oppressive systems contribute to cycles of violence & put up barriers to accessing support & healing. It's about using this broader understanding to inform what we do, so that we're taking actions that promote equity over equality.

Why Does This Matter?

To help illustrate the importance of addressing oppression, here's an anecdote commonly used in prevention work:

  • 3 people are walking along a riverbank when they notice that there are people caught in the river, shouting for help.

  • 1 person starts pulling people to the shore & another begins caring for those who've been pulled out.

  • The 3rd person walks further upstream to investigate the cause of this, then begins helping prevent people from falling into the river at all.

While helping people get out of the situation & treating them afterwards are both important, they're only addressing the symptoms & can soon become overwhelming if the flow of people in need never slows. The focus of primary prevention is to move upstream & reduce the number of people being victimized in the 1st place.

There are many forms of oppression (sexism, ageism, racism, ableism, heterosexism, classism, etc) that influence systems which, in turn, put those who are marginalized by them at greater risk. Being able to trace the symptoms back & address those root causes is what's going to help us have the most impact in ending all forms of violence.

How Are Equity & Equality Different?

The words “equity” & “equality” may seem like a “tom-aye-to”/“tom-ah-to” situation, these terms are not interchangeable & in-fact are fundamentally different. Equality is focused on giving everyone the same resources & opportunities to reach a specific outcome. At surface level this seems like a fair, impartial way to do things, but in reality it ends up being quite the opposite. Take the graphic below for example. Sure, giving everyone the same bike is equal, it’s not a legitimate way for everyone to reach the finish line. This approach actually favors one type of person & forces those who don’t fit that mold to conform to something that isn’t a good fit for them, while completely excluding others who cannot use that method/tool at all.

People are not all carbon copies of each other, so supports must be tailored individually. When striving for a particular outcome we’re each beginning at different starting points, with different terrains to navigate, different mental & physical abilities, different histories & cultures, & so much more. This is where equity comes in.

Equity is about providing each individual whatever they need to be successful in reaching their goal, not giving them the same thing as everyone else. This approach recognizes the different circumstances & barriers we each face, then tailors the approaches & resources to that reality in order to help reach the same outcome. It’s about being truly inclusive.

By using equity as our guiding approach, we’ll be better able to see a broader picture of people’s lived experiences. This holistic view will aid us in meeting them where they are with what they need. If we can do this, we’ll be able to offer more successful & inclusive support.

What Can We Do?

Tackling whole systems can sound overwhelming or like it's someone else's job (politicians, professionals, etc), but even as individuals there are actions we can take:

  • Reflect on the ways oppression shows up in systems, relationships, as well as our own thoughts & actions.

  • Educate ourselves on the importance of promoting equity (not fairness) as process for reaching true equality.

  • Bring others into the conversation. Listen to perspectives/experiences that differ from your own. Point out & question instances of bias/oppression when you notice them.

  • Get involved with organizations/groups whose work focuses on equity & primary prevention.

Want to learn more about this year's theme & get involved in #SAAM2023? Visit NSVRC's website & be sure follow F2F on social media so you can participate along with us.

Sources: https://www.nsvrc.org/saam/drawingconnections https://www.internationalwomensday.com/EquityEquality https://www.preventionmeansprogress.org/prevention-policies-research/

"Women Are" - Celebrating Women's History Month

written by: Isabella Notvedt, F2F Partnerships & Logistics Coordinator

What is a woman? The answer greatly depends on the person answering. Will the answer be based on culture? On physical appearance? On personalities or traits? Even dictionaries have different definitions. Being a woman is more than one’s chromosomal makeup. There doesn’t seem to be any one definition with which everyone can agree. But I still know what women have been…

WOMEN ARE COURAGEOUS

Harriet Tubman is an amazing example of courage in the face of adversity. Having been born into enslavement, Tubman found a path to freedom. Through her strong determination and forward thinking, Tubman knew that she had to leave the life she built in order to keep her liberty. However, Tubman continued to put herself in harm's way in order to guide dozens of enslaved people. In addition, she assisted in the Civil War as a medic - once again, selflessly supporting the safety of others. Today, she is remembered as one of the most important figures of the US abolitionist movement (Beckner, 2005). As such, I remain inspired by the courage that Harriet Tubman continued to show, even in the face of adversity.

WOMEN ARE INTELLIGENT 

Marie Curie was a woman with a mission. With a rich education in the sciences, Curie worked with her husband in order to expand upon the newest research within physics and chemistry at the time. In spite of many challenges, both Marie and Piere Curie received a Nobel Prize for their intelligence in physics on spontaneous radioactivity. Just eight years later, Curie received a Nobel Prize in chemistry alone for her work to better understand radioactivity. Her knowledge led to the more widespread use of X-rays, which greatly improved the lives of WWI soldiers (The nobel prize in physics 1903). Curie’s impacts widely remain in scientific fields, often due to her being a trailblazer in her field of study and in general science. If there is one thing about Marie Curie, she did not mind being a first!

WOMEN ARE AMBITIOUS

Women have been raising the standard since the beginning of time - including in early civilizations. When one thinks of a pharaoh, they may think of men. But Hatshepsut was the first woman pharaoh of Egypt to rule with full power (Mark, 2023). She created an Egypt with a rich history of infrastructure and conquest. Despite her success as a leader, Hatshepsut’s name was almost erased from history by subsequent pharaohs of Egypt because she was a woman. But her lasting impact improved the trajectory of her dynasty - bringing Egypt to new and inspiring heights. I appreciate being able to see the impact of women when they are able to use their power to improve the lives of those around them. 

WOMEN ARE NURTURING

Many of the most empowering people in my life have been women. These women have invested in me and my future through their time and mentoring. Each day working at Fear 2 Freedom, I am proud to work with the wonderful women that are the pillars of F2F. Our mission is to restore hope and dignity, something that can be invaluable in the lives of survivors. And something that has been given to me throughout my life, which has led to me being able to give back for a mission I love.

Despite all our differences and our pasts, women have been brave survivors of pain, hardship, and a system that’s rarely been designed for us - all throughout history.

HAPPY WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH!

Citations:

Beckner, C. (2005). Harriet Tubman. In 100 African Americans who changed history (p. 22). essay, World Almanac Library.

Mark, J. J. (2023, March 17). Hatshepsut. World History Encyclopedia. Retrieved March 20, 2023, from https://www.worldhistory.org/hatshepsut/

The nobel prize in physics 1903. NobelPrize.org. (n.d.). Retrieved March 20, 2023, from https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/physics/1903/marie-curie/biographical/ 


Standing Tall In the Face of Adversity

written by: Abigail Sams, Fear 2 Freedom Development Coordinator

Growing up, one of my favorite movies was Disney’s Mulan. She was strong, fierce, beautiful, and different. Not only did she save China, but she also showed her family, her country, and all of us watching that a woman can do anything she sets her mind to. That is enough to make this one of my favorite movies, but what stood out to me was how Mulan carried herself: She was unapologetically unique, especially in the face of adversity. She questioned a woman’s role in society, fought for her loved ones, and never gave up… even when everyone told her to.

Within my life, there are a few challenges that I am learning to navigate and trying to overcome. I recently graduated from Christopher Newport University in December, and am now living off-campus, working at a steady, salary-paying job. That is enough change to make me a little weary. On top of that, there are the constant daily stressors of bills to pay, the pressure to perform well at my job, and handling all of the emotions that come with change. Amidst that entire mess, I am still the same me. 

I am strong and resilient and will overcome these challenges just as I have conquered challenges in the past. There is power in knowing your strengths and weaknesses, and knowing what you can handle. I know what my rock bottom is, and I am determined to never reach it again. 

But what does that look like? Nearly everyone I know has gone through similar emotional uncertainty. More importantly, survivors go through this too, often unnoticed by people around them. Survivors, and many others, suffer in silence because of the circumstances they are in, or simply because others do not understand how to listen. Human beings tend to be focused on themselves, which results in people being blind or ignorant of other people’s pain. In the midst of all of that, how do we stand tall while we are struggling? 

My answer is simple - know your worth, then add tax! That phrase has been on more mugs than I can count, but that is because it is true. Now, this is not to say that you should have an over-inflated ego, but that you should give yourself your well-earned credit. No one knows your story, no one has ever walked a mile in your shoes. Only you know what you have said, done, held back, overcome, and grown through. Remember that, especially when faced with a challenge, draw on your resilience and have faith in yourself that you will overcome this too.

As I wade through everything on my plate, I have learned to stand tall in who I know myself to be. Regardless of what has happened in the past, the characteristics I treasure about myself have not wavered. I am still the same woman who would give all of my love, time, and energy to others. I still love tea, a trashy novel, anything chocolate, and genuinely kind people. All of these things are true, even when I am fighting, even when I feel like I have had enough, and even when the burden feels too heavy. 

It can be hard to keep your head up on difficult days, especially the ones where nothing goes your way. On those days when I need some encouragement, I pull out that old Mulan DVD to remind myself of one of the best lessons I have ever learned -

“The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.” 


"I Can" Meets "I Am"

Content Notice: Negative Self Talk

written by: Kadetra Cooper, Fear 2 Freedom COO

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss

“Trust yourself.  You know more than you think you do.” – Benjamin Spock

According to PositivePsychology.com, one of the key psychological theories behind positive affirmations is self-affirmation theory (Steele, 1988). There are empirical studies based on the idea that we can maintain our sense of self-integrity by telling ourselves what we believe in positive ways.

I have always been a lover of music. There is nothing better than a song that you can feel from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. One that comes to mind is Micki Howard’s song - Love Under New Management. If you have never heard it, let me share a few verses. 

Experience is a good teacher

It takes someone like me to know

All the little games people tend to play

Some call it love

It never has a chance to grow

“You deserve something better,” I kept telling myself

Just be patient, true love you’ll find

I finally found someone to become my friend

And in a matter of time

Real love stepped in

The closed sign on your door

I had to tear it down

A new world of happiness

Turned me completely around

Initially when I would listen to this song I considered it a “love” ballad. As I have grown and matured I receive it as a self-love declaration. We have to be just as mindful of how we show respect to ourselves as we do others. How can we truly love another if we have not done the work to be a true friend and love ourselves?   

The world will try to define you by who you are, what you do, your affiliations, how you look, and even where you live. We have a responsibility to ourselves not to stand in the perception of others. I do not know about you, but my mind is powerful! I can exercise that thing, especially with self-doubt. My mind can hit me with “I am not good enough, “I can’t do that”, “That’s not in my comfort zone”, “What would they say, if I…”, and don’t forget “Oh that doesn’t look right”.  

Have you ever thought to yourself what “that'' is and who “they” are?  We intentionally need to empower ourselves to “I CAN” and “I AM”. Lived experience led me to believe I Am a plethora of unprofitable feelings. I Am Hurt, I Am Broken, I Am Depleted, I Am Indecisive, I Am Irritating, I Am a Disappointment, I Am Unimportant. My transformative I AM affirmation came to pass when I said I AM DONE. I Am Done with this self-inflicted doubt because there is nothing I can’t do because I have faith.  The shift did not come suddenly, but a choice to be  intentional about what I wanted for my future.  It was at that point that I connected with I Am Evolving. Which followed I Am a Force, I Am Power, I Am an Experience, I Am Beauty, I Am Restored, I Am Intentional, I Am Enough, I Am Confident, I Am Abundance, I Am Greatness.  

I challenge you to acknowledge any deficiency within you and speak elevation to it. You are your best investment, your most valuable asset, your prize possession, and your biggest cheerleader. Do something everyday that nourishes your spirit, opens your heart, and builds mental resilience. 

I Am Unapologetically, Kadetra! 

 

If you need a little guidance improving your self talk check out these resources below.

Stop the Backlog: Over 100,000 Rape Kits Gone Untested

CONTENT NOTICE: SEXUAL VIOLENCE

written by: Josie Carter, Logistics & Partnerships Intern (Fall 2022)

Every 68 seconds someone is sexually assaulted in the United States, but only 310 out of 1,000 get reported to the police. Survivors that speak up often go through an intense and invasive examination to collect evidence. This evidence is then kept and saved in a physical evidence recovery kit, also known as a “rape kit.” There are an overwhelming amount of rape kits that have gone untouched and untested. This accumulation of forensic evidence is referred to as “backlog.”

How Evidence is Collected?

To fully recognize the magnitude of the problem there first has to be an understanding of how this evidence is collected. Survivors who decide to go to the police often end up going through a SAFE exam, or a Sexual Assault Forensic Exam. This is when evidence of the incident on the survivor’s body and/or belongings are collected and documented. Included in the rape kit are tools that the nurses us for this exam, including:

  • Tubes and containers for blood and urine samples

  • Paper bags for collecting clothes and other physical evidence

  • Swabs for biological evidence collecting

  • A large sheet of paper where the victim undresses to collect hairs and fibers

  • Dental floss and wooden sticks for fingernail scrapings

  • Glass slides

Why Does Backlog Happen?

After the evidence is collected from the survivor, the rape kit is sent to law enforcement to be tested and analyzed for, among other things, any remnants of DNA that could trace back to the perpetrator(s). Unfortunately not all kits get tested, which leads to the backlog. There are a few reasons for this. There are the technical issues:

  • The kit didn’t make it to the lab. This is known as the “hidden backlog”, when DNA evidence was collected by law enforcement and forensic nurses but the kit did not make it to the lab. A main source of this problem is the failure to keep track of the kits once the evidence has been collected.

  • The kit arrived to the lab, but was never tested. Crime labs and law enforcement agencies do not have enough resources to test all the kits they received. This is due to the lack of funding, technology, and staff. It costs about $1,000 - $1,500 to test a rape kit, and crime labs having to test thousands of DNA samples from these kits, there is not enough time or money to do so in a sufficient manor.

And there are also underlying problems in the system:

  • Lack of policies and protocols for rape kit testing. Many police departments do not have clearly written policies for testing rape kits. Most of the time the discretion of whether or not a kit gets tested is at the hands of the detective. Their decision can be influenced by the department’s prioritization of sexual assaults, having little resources and/or staff dedicated to investigate such cases, or bias, where the detective does not fully believe the survivor or blames them for the crime taking place.

  • Knowledge gaps and lack of training. Law enforcement officers who are not educated on the impact of trauma can label a case as “unfounded” if they feel as though the survivor's story is not credible if they have trouble recalling details, or that the survivor is being uncooperative if the victim walks out from the process out of fear, privacy concerns, or poor treatment by law enforcement or prosecutors. Also, the lack of training about the importance of DNA evidence and the criminal patterns of the offenders, where they use shame and fear to control the victim into not saying anything, can also lead to sexual assault cases lying cold. 

  • Whether the identity of the perpetrator is known. Many times, the DNA evidence collected in rape kits is only tested when the perpetrator is unknown. Testing every rape kit, even the ones where the offender is known, can link the same DNA between cases and potentially find a serial offender.

What Can We Do?

There are so many survivors out there who went to the police for help and endured an invasive exam after such a traumatic event, just for their kit to be sitting on a shelf with all the evidence that could be used to bring justice. Survivors should not feel as though their experience is not being taken seriously or brushed off like it is just another case, because to them, it was a life-altering experience and not just another crime statistic. So what can we do to help? 

  • Take Action! Contact your representative and share on social media about the need to end the backlog.

  • Donate! Support organizations that are dedicated to ending the backlog and advocating for policies and regulations that facilitate justice for survivors of sexual assault.

  • Learn! Learn more about your state’s response to the backlog and how you can get involved.

End the Backlog is an organization dedicated to eliminating the existing backlog of rape kits, and also preventing backlog in the future. Their goals are to: 

  • Increase Public Awareness

  • Engage Communities and Government Agencies and Officials

  • Advocate Legislative Reform and the Creation of Policies at the Local, State, and Federal Level

RAINN (Rape, Abuse &Incest National Netwrok) leads campaigns to pass and renew key federal laws pertaining to DNA evidence and justice for survivors, such as:

  • Justice For All Act of 2004

  • DNA Fingerprint Act of 2005

  • Debbie Smith Act

  • Sexual Assault Forensic Evidence Reporting (SAFER) Act

Sources: End The Backlog (1) (2) | RAINN (1) (2) | The Arkansas Journal of Social Change and Public Service (1)

Survivor Stories: Tina’s Story

CONTENT NOTICE: Intimate partner violence, SEXUAL VIOLENCE, VICTIM BLAMING, depression, anxiety

written by: Tina* *a pseudonym

- All the names in this story have been changed -

I never thought I’d have the strength to do this, especially not so soon. I have experienced every possible emotion trying to put my feelings into words. I realized through this process that telling my story no longer benefits me. Instead, I want it to uplift others and show survivors that there is a shift from the overwhelming pain. While the journey may be encrusted with hurt and confusion, you can find your way – the destination is a beaming light. I don’t believe you can fully heal from trauma; instead, you figure out how to navigate life with it. And hopefully, this story can help you navigate yours.

It all started the summer after my senior year of high school. I attended a pre-orientation program hosted by the college I was attending. I met a guy named Jeremiah who actually “saved” me from an uncomfortable situation. One of the counselors at the pre-orientation program was hitting on me and trying to kiss me and just made me super uncomfortable. I told this to Jeremiah, and he said he would never leave my side again. And for a while, he didn’t.

“As time passed, we started getting closer and closer, and that’s when he began changing. The more comfortable I became around him, the more comfortable he was with showing his true character.”

When we returned to campus for our first year, I learned much more about Jeremiah. I thought he was sympathetic, kind, passionate, driven, and so on. That’s why I fell for him. He would call me whenever I needed him. He studied my mannerisms and my emotions to tend to my needs. He took the time to compliment me continuously. He listened to me. And it was indeed that simple to make me fall. He made many promises about how he would never take me for granted and never hurt me. He told me I could trust him, so I did. As time passed, we started getting closer and closer, and that’s when he began changing. The more comfortable I became around him, the more comfortable he was with showing his true character.

We started to argue a lot more; he became highly possessive and would make an argument whenever I left the dorm. As the arguments increased, his temper shortened. It seemed like he would get mad about anything that I did, and it got to the point where I never left my dorm because of it. Even if it were a school or extracurricular obligation, he would say how I was taking away time for us. He became less excited about my accomplishments and hated when I signed up to participate in more activities on campus. As his anger grew, so did the explosiveness of his reactions.

At first, it started with light pushes and shoves. Occasionally he would throw my belongings out of his dorm room to embarrass me. However, it became increasingly violent over time - he would break things in my room to get a reaction out of me, push me extremely hard to make me fall, and say hurtful things about my insecurities. He knew what hurt my feelings the most, which he capitalized on. When I would cry, he would ignore it. Sometimes we would lie in the same bed during an argument, and if I were emotional, he would go to sleep. But if he couldn’t fall asleep, he would turn the tv on with the volume high to drown me out. These arguments also affected our intimacy. He stopped complimenting me or showing affection. He would only touch me when we were in public to make a statement to other men. In private, he never wanted me to make the first move and only wanted to satisfy his needs. And if I denied him, he would get more upset. After a while, I started to give in so I wouldn’t have to experience the aftermath. I was solely a vessel for his disposal. And while I knew all of this, I felt like I could never leave him.

“At the time, he was the only person I had on campus. I convinced myself that my life would be more complicated without him than with him.”

In my sophomore year of college, I found out that Jeremiah cheated on me with one of his family friends. I was utterly devastated. He was telling this girl that he loved her, buying her gifts, and doing everything with her that he did with me. When I told him that I knew, he was crying hysterically. He begged me not to leave and promised that he would do any and everything to make me stay. At this point, he had already ended the relationship with the other girl months ago, but he swore up and down that there was no one else. I tried to leave, but he refused to let me go. He promised that he would be the man that I met in the beginning. He said he would be kind to me, treat me well, and most of all, stop putting his hands on me. Reluctantly, I agreed for him to have access to me still. At the time, he was the only person I had on campus. I convinced myself that my life would be more complicated without him than with him.

Almost no one knew how abusive the relationship was, but I shared with my friends that he cheated. I couldn’t carry these emotions alone, so I disclosed this small piece to ease my load. Everyone was in complete disapproval of giving him a second chance, which made me embarrassed that I was considering it. To combat this shame, I made him agree that we would not be in a relationship again until he proved to me that he meant what he said. I would openly date other people and do my own thing until I knew he was ready - and he agreed.

“I distinctly remember freezing. It felt like I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t speak. Everything in me said, ‘Say something; please say something.’ But I couldn’t. I just sat there.”

During this time, I met someone named Carter. We were friends for a couple of months before things turned more romantic. After becoming “single,” Carter asked to take me on a date. It was the summer of sophomore year, and we went jet skiing; it was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed being around him. Carter knew I wasn’t taking anyone seriously at the time, including him. I was still waiting for Jeremiah to get himself together. While Carter and I kissed on our second date, I told him I wanted to take things extremely slow and did not want to have sex unless I was in a relationship. He said he understood and seemed very receptive, so I became more comfortable with him. One weekend I went to North Carolina for my friend’s birthday, and Carter and I were texting. At this point, we had been casually seeing each other for about a month, and there were still no serious intentions. I jokingly told him he should come to see me, and surprisingly he agreed.

My friends and I were drinking heavily, and I told him this. I said that if he came, I did not want to have sex at all, and I wanted to make this known while I was still cognitively conscious. He agreed and said that he also did not want to have sex. About an hour and a half goes by, and he comes to our Airbnb. At this point, I am highly intoxicated. Everything from this point on is fuzzy, and I have trouble remembering specifics. However, I know we were casually talking in the living room, and then I told him I was hungry.

We started looking for somewhere to eat, but it was late, and no restaurants were open. I said that we could sit in his car anyways because it was something we usually do. When we went to the car, everything became even fuzzier because the room was spinning at this point. We get in the back seat and kiss, like usual. But then, after a few minutes of kissing, he asks if he can put it in. And I distinctly remember freezing. It felt like I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t speak. Everything in me said, “Say something; please say something.” But I couldn’t. I just sat there. To this day, I still can’t exactly remember what happened. I remember him repeating that he was putting it in, and about two minutes later, he took it out because I wasn’t moving. Afterward, he just kept apologizing. I didn’t grasp what happened at the time, so I just kept saying it was fine.

“[I] tried to convince myself that I had all the control when I didn’t - he still did.”

Jeremiah was the only person I told for a while. I didn’t tell him I felt taken advantage of, but just that I had sex with someone else. He was distraught and told me I could never talk to Carter again or he would leave. Before Jeremiah gave me that ultimatum, I was sure I could easily let him go because he had cheated on me. But after his request, I realized that I couldn’t. I was still very attached to him and tried to convince myself that I had all the control when I didn’t - he still did.

I blocked Carter on everything, not because he took advantage of me, but because Jeremiah told me to. Jeremiah was my first everything; he was the one I trusted the most and the only person I felt I could talk to. After some time, I told Jeremiah what actually happened with Carter, and Jeremiah told me how sorry he was. He completely validated me and my experience, and it made me begin to trust him more. He was the only person I ever told, and therefore, he was the one I depended on the most regarding my emotions.

“…from then on, I felt numb. Everything he said went in one ear and out the other, even if it was good things. I put no value in his words anymore; it took too much from me to place it there.”

By the time junior year came around, Jeremiah and I were back together. At the start, the fights were at a reasonable level, and life felt a lot better. However, at some point, it flipped back to how it was. Except for this time, it was worse. Jeremiah would get mad over every little thing I did. And when he got angry, he would say anything that came to his mind. His ammo was anything I was still hurt by, and I trusted only with him. One time he told me, “that’s why you got raped by your friend,” and from then on, I felt numb. Everything he said went in one ear and out the other, even if it was good things. I put no value in his words anymore; it took too much from me to place it there. The relationship was such a rollercoaster that I had to detach myself from my emotions to stay sane. I was so emotionless near the end that I felt nothing even in the “good” moments. It affected my grades, social life, and mental health.

It took a while, but eventually, I had had enough. There was one last argument, and I had nothing left to give. Jeremiah was upset with something I did, and I refused to offer any of my energy while he was angry because I knew where it would lead, but that made him more enraged. He pulled me off of my bed by my feet onto the ground. He ripped me out of my clothes, refused to let me put any on, and threw drinks at me while I stood naked. He called me out of my name and told me how no one would ever love me as he did. He refused to let me out of my room and kept throwing me back every time I tried to get out.

“I knew then he was never going to change. No matter the number of apologies he delivered, oaths he swore, or tears he shed, he would remain the same. After that, I knew I was never going back.”

Just like with Carter, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I felt frozen. At some points, I thought I wouldn’t make it out. He choked me until I couldn’t breathe and gasped for air. I screamed to my roommates for help, but nobody could get in because he locked the door and stood by it. At that moment, I had absolutely nothing left in me. I was merely just a body that he continued to throw against my drawer and floor. I was so tired of fighting. I was so weak inside, and any hope or peace I had was broken. One of the last things that Jeremiah said to me was that I would never leave him no matter what. He laughed while he said this. The certainty in his voice showed his comfortability in my life. I knew then he was never going to change. No matter the number of apologies he delivered, oaths he swore, or tears he shed, he would remain the same. After that, I knew I was never going back. My roommates called the police, he left, and that was the end of us.

I never filed a police report on Jeremiah for the same reason I never filed one on Carter. I care about them. I see them as people who made mistakes, and I don’t want them to pay for it for the rest of their lives. And while that may diminish the severity of their actions, that is okay with me. That is not to say that people who report their abusers are selfish because they aren’t. That just wasn’t the choice I desired to make.

“I had thought by leaving Jeremiah, despite how he treated me, I was giving up on him. In reality, by staying with him, I gave up on the person that deserved the most of my love - myself.”

After all of this happened, I fell into a deep depression. One that I didn’t think that I could get out of. I had a support system around me, but I couldn’t talk to anyone besides one person. Everyone else, I just shut out. My trust issues were extremely high, and I felt like no one could comprehend what I was going through. I lost the one person I talked to about Carter and realized I was in an abusive relationship in the same year. It was the most challenging couple of months I’ve ever experienced. I could not understand why I deserved to be treated like that. I could not understand how I allowed myself to be treated like that.

However, after a long period of reflection, I realized it wasn’t my fault. I could not blame myself for not saying something to Carter while drunk because I set my boundaries while sober. And I could not blame myself for staying in the relationship with Jeremiah because it wasn’t my character to ever “give up” on someone. I had thought by leaving Jeremiah, despite how he treated me, I was giving up on him. In reality, by staying with him, I gave up on the person that deserved the most of my love - myself. I lost who I was, trying to give him everything he was missing in himself. He wasn’t just missing a little bit of happiness or lessons on how to control your anger; he was missing his soul. And because he was missing his soul, he tried to take mine.

“It is hard. Healing is a job on its own. However, the payout is more than any salaried job can offer.”

I want to reiterate that my healing process was and is still messy. Some nights I feel like I have made absolutely no progress at all and other nights I feel like I’m a completely different person. However, fast forward to now, and I feel okay. And while okay may not be the best thing in the world, it is the best I’ve felt in a while. I have not felt this way since 5th grade. I have constantly dealt with depression and anxiety, and my parents never knew. Most of my friends never knew. I occasionally have anxiety attacks and negative thoughts, but it is nowhere near what it was. It took a lot of work to get to this point. Many long nights crying, thinking, and just sitting in my emotions. It is hard. Healing is a job on its own. However, the payout is more than any salaried job can offer. I can’t believe how far I’ve come, but I also know there is a long road ahead. However, every step gets a little easier. And while there are roadblocks, and sometimes all you can focus on is surviving or making it through the day that is still progress. Our experiences are valid, and our vulnerability is a strength. We can get through our journey in our own time and our own way.

Identifying and Supporting Domestic Violence Survivors

Written by Rachel Thornton, F2F Development & Grants Intern (Summer 2022)

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the time to spread awareness about the ten million Americans who face domestic violence each year. Domestic violence refers to a violent act that occurs between romantic partners, family members, or other close relationships. Since it covers a wide range of scenarios, not all of which involve individuals who live together, domestic violence is sometimes also referred to as intimate partner violence, or IPV.

Regardless of the terminology, this form of violence has a hugely negative impact on a wide variety of people. It used to be the norm to define domestic violence as only men physically assaulting their wives, but the true definition has always been broader. Expanding public understanding of what domestic violence is matters because such narrow depictions prevent those who do not fit the stereotype from coming forward to report their victimization.

 

Recognizing The Uniqueness of Experiences

Understanding survivors of domestic violence also requires an intersectional approach. This term refers to the need to incorporate all aspects of an individual’s identity as context to understand their life experiences and reactions to events. For example, due to the persecution of transgender individuals historically in the United States, the transgender population has the highest rates of victimization of domestic violence. In fact, somewhere between one-third and one-half of all transgender individuals will experience domestic violence at some point in their lifetime. 

 

Another instance of using an intersectional approach to understand domestic violence involves the subjugation of Black women in America, which is often noted to contribute to Black women hesitating to report abuse or other crimes committed against them. This includes domestic violence, of which Black women are disproportionately impacted when compared with other racial and gender groups. According to one study, Black women accounted for nearly one-third of all deaths related to domestic violence in the United States despite only making up 8% of the population. These two examples demonstrate how contextual factors surrounding identity impact the experiences of domestic violence for each individual.

 

Key Signs to Look For

Even with these discrepancies in who is affected by domestic violence, it still must be emphasized that anyone can be victimized. For this reason, it is important during this National Domestic Violence Awareness Month to increase awareness of the signs of domestic violence and the best ways to support survivors, as there is not always an easy way to know who is suffering.

Some key signs that show someone may be suffering from possible domestic abuse include if they:

  • Describe their partner as being overly controlling or demanding

  • Excuse themselves from social events with the reason that their partner would be upset with them for going

  • Apologize for or attempt to justify their partner’s wrongdoings

  • Have unexplained injuries, including bruises, cuts, burns, sprains, or breaks

  • Spend less time with friends and family, instead focusing the majority of their time and attention on their partner

  • Sudden changes in personality, especially if they seem to become more anxious or depressed

  • No longer have control over their finances and mention asking their partner for permission to buy things

  • Suddenly change how they use social media or communicate with loved ones online

  • Stop practicing their religion or start practicing another faith they have not ascribed to previously

  • Blame themselves for things that are clearly outside of their control and apologize constantly

  • Stop going to doctor’s appointments or otherwise alter their health practices

  • Worry about leaving children or pets alone with their partner, even if the reason they give for this concern seems innocent

  • Seem more concerned than before about being outed if they are a part of the LGBTQ+ community

  • Stop going to therapy if they had been going previously

  • Uncharacteristic changes to their grooming and/or clothing habits. Such as wearing more/less makeup than usual, or wearing non-weather appropriate clothing (e.g. sweatshirt in the middle of summer)

  • Show a lack of interest in the activities that used to be their favorites

  • Romanticize jealous or possessive behavior from their partner

While these are some of the common signs of domestic abuse, this list is by no means exhaustive. In addition, there are other factors or life changes unrelated to abuse or violence that could explain certain items of this list. For this reason, such a list is merely a guideline, but it is a good starting point to identify someone who may be experiencing domestic violence.

 

How You Can Respond

When it seems like someone is being victimized in this way, whether they explicitly say so, hint at it, or display multiple signs, it can be difficult to know how to react. Helping them seems like the obvious answer, but what does that look like? Some well-intentioned people can actually make things worse by confronting the potential abuser, going to the police without the survivor’s consent, or otherwise intervening prematurely. For this reason, the education surrounding domestic violence must include how to properly support survivors. 

The following plan is a general blueprint of how to best support survivors of domestic violence, although each situation is certainly unique:

  1. Listen. Lending an ear to the survivor is the best way to begin to support them. This means not just hearing what they say, but rather actively listening to their stories, emotions, and worries. It is important while listening to survivors detailing their abuse to refrain from responding with judgment.

  2. Believe them. When people discuss abuse that they have endured, they are putting themselves in a vulnerable situation and opening themselves up to possible doubt. The rate of false reports of domestic violence is low; the vast majority of people do not make up such terrible abuse. Believing survivors is crucial for their mental wellbeing, and there is no reason whatsoever to be the source of unneeded doubt for someone who is suffering.

  3. Focus questions on their wellbeing. It is human nature to be curious about further details of what someone is experiencing or going through. It is absolutely essential to remember, however, that the main goal here is to support the survivor, not grill them on details that are not applicable. Any questions asked of them should be specific to their immediate safety and should not be about subject matter that will not help them. Their abuse is their story to tell when and if they feel ready.

  4. Help with safety planning. Safety planning refers to the process of considering possible courses of action to determine which will best ensure the safety of the person being victimized. This will look different in each situation depending on the circumstances of the abuse. For example, it may be safer for some people to stay with an abusive partner in the short term to prevent raising their wrath while relevant details are sorted out or the authorities are contacted. In helping with this process, the focus should be on how to make the person who has suffered feel the most safe. Brainstorming possible options with them or offering resources for support is great, but the final decision must be made by the person in the situation.

  5. Keep in contact. Even after the person is away from their abuser, they are not magically better, especially in terms of their mental health. Staying in touch with the survivor is an absolutely essential part of supporting them, as the pain does not automatically end when the domestic violence stops. Don’t be afraid to keep following up throughout the entire process, from the time they first speak with you about the abuse through the later stages, whether or not they choose to leave their abuser.

 

These five steps are designed to keep the survivor at the center of the process, with their physical and mental wellbeing at the forefront. This ensures that the survivor does not feel like their only option is to continue enduring the domestic violence, as can unfortunately be the case for individuals who do not feel safe reaching out for help. When dealing with domestic violence, remember that the abuse can become deadly if appropriate action is not taken. This is an urgent and very serious matter, making this October’s National Domestic Violence Awareness Month all the more important to ensure proper education and preparedness.

 

Mental Health Support for Hispanic and Latinx Survivors

By Lauren Carrasco-Kyllönen, Director of Programs

 

The start of Hispanic Heritage Month marks a time for all of us to reflect on, learn from, and celebrate the incredible diversity of Hispanic & Latinx communities in our histories, cultures, identities, and experiences. It is also a time to acknowledge challenges in the present & what we can do to address them to build each of us up. The reality is that people of color, including Hispanic & Latinx communities, experience sexual violence at similar or higher rates. Dealing with the devastating impacts of sexual violence in conjunction with systemic oppression & inequality, cultural biases, historical trauma, etc. can be extremely complex, exhausting, and overwhelming. 

Hispanic/Latinx survivors face additional barriers and have unique experiences that not all service providers are able to fully empathize with nor address. To be heard and understood, in all the ways trauma affects your experiences, is essential. To help counter this, we’ve pulled together this list of culturally relevant resources, which we hope will provide some much needed support to Hispanic/Latinx survivors as they move through their healing journeys. 

 

Finding A Therapist

Inclusive Therapists

“Inclusive Therapists offers a safer, simpler way to find a culturally responsive, social justice-oriented therapist.”

National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network

“NQTTCN is a healing justice organization committed to transforming mental health for queer and trans people of color (QTPoC).”

Latinx Therapy

“bilingual podcast and national directory to find a Latinx Therapist. Latinx Therapy strives to provides culturally-grounded workshops and services to our community.”

Therapy for Latinx

“We provide resources for our community to heal, thrive, and become advocates for their own mental health”

 

Immigrant Resources

National Immigration Project of the National Lawyers Guild

NIPNLG serves “as a progressive source of advocacy-oriented legal support on issues critical to immigrant rights”, & offers an attorney directory.

National Immigrant Women’s Advocacy Project

“NIWAP is a national expert on the legal rights and services available to immigrant victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, child and elder abuse, stalking, human trafficking, and other violence,” & offers a service provider directory.

 

Additional Resources

Esperanza United

“Esperanza United mobilizes Latinas and Latin@ communities to end gender-based violence.”

The National Hispanic Family Health Helpline

“provides free reliable and confidential health information in Spanish and English to help callers navigate the health system.”

 

What All Students Should Know About Their Campus & Sexual Violence Before Starting College

Content Notice: sexual violence

written by: Lauren Carrasco-Kyllönen

The start of the academic year is a time of anticipation & preparation for both seniors beginning their final year of high school as well as college freshmen embarking on this new chapter of their lives. When planning out their future college experiences, many students research things like: “What academic majors are available for study?”, “Where can I park?”, “What do the meal plans offer?”, “Are there interesting student groups to join?”, “What things are there to do in the local area”... All important questions to find answers to but there’s an entire topic of essential research that’s going overlooked…sexual violence. 

Campus sexual violence is a common challenge at colleges & universities across the country, with over 50% of all incidents occurring at the beginning of the fall semester (Aug-Nov) during what’s known as the Red Zone. Although the risks this time period pose apply to all college students, freshmen are the most vulnerable. This is why it is imperative that future students include research on sexual violence when planning their college careers.

Knowing where to start can be confusing & overwhelming, especially with all the other details that need to be settled when planning for college. So we’ve put together a guide on what all students should know about their college/university regarding campus sexual violence before starting their freshman year. 

Young woman sits outside while working on laptop

POLICIES

Title IX is a federal civil rights law in the U.S. that prohibits sex-based discrimination (which includes sexual violence) in schools or other education programs that receive funding from the federal government. Although the government sets some minimum requirements that all of these educational institutions must adhere to, the specific policies & procedures will look a bit different from one institution to the next, with some merely meeting those minimum standards while others work to go above & beyond. A campus’ policies & procedures set the foundation for their culture on sexual violence so they’re an important aspect to research. Here are some questions to find answers to:

  • What is your campus’ Title IX policy? 

    • Is it clearly laid out & easy to understand? Is it able to be quickly & easily accessed online?

    • In addition to on-campus incidents, does this policy cover off-campus locations as well? (off-campus student houses/apartments, hotels used for school trips, off-campus interactions with campus staff/faculty, etc)

    • Does this policy cover cyber-harassment?

  • Who is the Title IX Coordinator?

    • Their name, office address, phone number, & email address should all be easily found on your school’s website. 

  • How do they class their employees?

    • Who are mandatory reporters?

    • Are there any employees who are not mandatory reporters that students can turn to for confidential support? Who are they?

  • How can someone report an incident of sexual violence?

    • Information on what the available reporting options entail as well as who/where to make a report should be widely publicized & accessible. 

    • There should be an option for people to make anonymous reports online as well.

  • Are there “amnesty” policies that protect people who are reporting incidents of sexual violence from being punish for conduct code violations that may have happened in conjunction with the sexual violence incident? 

    • Some schools have “zero tolerance” policies for certain conduct that can result in people facing punishment for violations, no matter the circumstances, which can prevent people from coming forward to make a report for fear of getting in trouble. Does your school have any of these policies?

  • Are there any additional “non-Title IX” policies that address these topics, such as a sexual misconduct policy?

    • These policies may outline additional expectations, regulations, accommodations, or survivor rights that go beyond the minimum Title IX standards.

  • What is your campus’ disability policy? 

    • You may have rights to disability accommodations & supports if you’re experiencing anxiety, depression, or other mental disabilities that have resulted from sexual violence you’ve faced, regardless of whether or not that violence occurred at your current campus or not.  

TRANSPARENCY 

Having as much transparency as possible on the ways in which sexual violence is addressed is important for campuses to hold themselves accountable, improve their institutions, & build trust with their communities. Besides having clearly defined & easily accessible policies, here are additional steps to look for in colleges/universities that show a commitment to transparency: 

  • Does your school conduct yearly campus climate surveys?

    • These anonymous climate surveys can give a clearer picture of the prevalence of sexual violence than campus crime statistics do, since so many people don’t come forward to officially report their experiences. 

  • Does your campus publish aggregate statistics on:

    • The number of sexual violence reports

    • The number of accommodations requested by survivors that were denied

    • The average length of time Title IX cases remained open

    • The number of students who were found responsible in Title IX cases

    • The ways in which students found responsible were sanctioned

Young man with hand on forehead looks down at cellphone

SUPPORTS

Since campus sexual violence is an unfortunately common issue, knowing what resources & supports are available both on & off campus is important knowledge to have, in case you or anyone you know may need it.

  • What accommodations are available to survivors?

    • Survivor accommodations may include things such as moving dorms/classes/dining halls/campus workplaces/etc, allowing more time to complete tests/assignments, issuing no-contact-orders, & others.

  • What medical services are available to survivors?

    • Do they provide free access to emergency contraceptives to all survivors?

    • Do they provide free access to HIV post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) to all survivors?

    • Is there a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE nurse) on campus?

      • If not, is there a medical facility nearby that has SANE nurses on staff? 

  • Is there an office on campus that has survivor advocates & professional staff whose focus is to support survivors & help them access resources/accommodations? 

    • This office should be separate from any offices that receive reports of sexual violence

  • Is there 24/7 crisis response coverage provided by the school?

    • If not, are there local survivor support agencies who provide these services?

PREVENTION

Appropriately responding to instances of sexual violence & providing supports to survivors is critical, but it’s only reactionary. In order to make progress in stopping these cases from happening in the first place a consistent & considerable dedication to prevention efforts must be made. Learning more about your school’s prevention programming is important to understanding how dedicated they are to creating safer, more inclusive, campus cultures. 

  • Is there a dedicated staff person or office responsible for leading prevention education on campus?

  • Does the school require continuous, comprehensive violence prevention education for everyone on campus?

    • Prevention education should be integrated in multiple different formats, multiple times every year (NOT just a 1 time session during orientation)

    • Topics covered should include: prevalence & impacts of sexual violence, affirmative consent (a “yes means yes” focus, NOT just a “no means no” focus), boundaries, impacts of drugs & alcohol on sexual violence, bystander intervention, campus policies & procedures, campus resources & accommodations, & others.

    • Is this education inclusive of all genders, sexual orientations, identities, & backgrounds? (sexual violence is NOT just a “women’s issue”)

Two women in hijabs sit at table outside, talking over laptop

REFORM

Along with implementing consistent prevention programming, a commitment to reform is important for colleges/universities to have. Listening to a variety of voices, honestly looking at their shortcomings, & actually taking action to improve their campus is challenging work but so good to see happening. 

  • Do they have an established working group on gender-based violence that meets regularly?

    • Are students & survivors part of this group?

    • Are their meeting notes, projects, etc. available for the public to see?

Preparing for college is both exciting & overwhelming at the same time. There’s so much to plan for & research before starting this new chapter & there’s bound to be blind spots you didn’t fully prepare for. Your campus’ culture & resources surrounding sexual violence, shouldn’t be one of them. Finding the answers to these questions & filling out the campus resource worksheet, will help ensure this essential information doesn’t get missed as you embark on your exciting new college experiences. 

Printable worksheet to list campus sexual violence resources

*SV = Sexual violence* | *IPV = Intimate partner violence*

Finding Joy Again

Content Notice: Gun violence, Violence against children/minors, Death

Written by: January Serda, Chief Operating Officer

Joy is such a sweet word. It is defined as “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness”. Joy often can be a feeling we do not have every day, especially if we have been through traumatic experiences. Or in my situation, suffered an unimaginable loss. For 17 years, I have primarily identified myself as a mother of two amazing sons. In December 2021, I lost one of my sons to gun violence. Only 17 years old, a week after his birthday, my beautiful boy was murdered at a local public high school after a varsity basketball game. Joy was ripped from my existence. 

Parking lot at Newport News Public School, Menchville High School, where my 17-year-old son was shot and murdered on Dec 14, 2021, immediately following the boys’ varsity basketball game. This is the spot forever branded in my brain and heart where my son’s body was found that traumatic, cold, winter night.

Each day since, I have struggled with finding joy in the new, dark life I find myself navigating. How can I ever have “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness” when I am a grieving mother? How will I feel joy when I am alive and breathing, yet one of my children is gone from this Earth? Where is the joy when everyday we turn on the news, it’s a new story of another child shot and killed at school? Such evil and cruelty in the world that triggers my broken mamma heart and pulls me so deep in the darkness. Joy becomes only a memory of my past that feels so very far away. Living without joy starts to settle in. 

But what is living if there is no joy? I have come to realize that is not living…that is only breathing. Without happiness in this life, I realized I am denying my heart light that wants to come in. I must find my joy again. I deserve happiness in my life. I cannot let my son’s killer take my life too. This was a realization that opened my heart to seek out my joy again. To try to find it. This sudden realization that if I stay in the dark place my heart and mind was in from the loss of my baby boy, I was giving his killer my life too.  

I began to think back about how I radiated joy before losing my son. I took pride in being that annoying, happy, big smiles co-worker that was way too excited to be at work on a Monday morning.  That person I was, so full of life and happiness, died with my son in December 2021.  She’s someone I see in old pictures, but I don’t feel like anymore.  Almost like an alter ego from lifetimes ago, and now I only talk about her as if it’s my clone.  So how can I possibly find my joy again when I don’t even feel like the same person?  

A quote by Mark Twain inspired my journey of healing, “The healthiest response to life is joy.” And my life, a messy, beautiful, tragic, lovely, triumphant journey, requires me to be healthy to persevere through it. No joy causes me sickness, depression, anxiety, hate, and self-harm. None of those are going to help me heal. None of that will bring my son back. All of it only leaves me in the darkness.  I needed to decide, do I want to remain in this darkness? Because it really is that simple and that difficult at the same time. We choose. We are masters of our own mindset.  We decide what to let in and what to let go.  I choose joy.  

Some ways I choose joy is: 

  1. Helping others – A life of service and serving others always brings me joy

  2. Self-Care – I make time for the things I love and space for what feeds my soul 

  3. Music – There is simply nothing that infuses my spirit with happiness like my favorite jams

  4. Gratitude – Mindfully give thanks and focus on what I do still have in my life 

  5. Sharing – I talk about my suffering and loss when I can in hopes it inspires others to choose joy 

I hope you will choose joy with me.

Finding my joy again, one hike at a time. Everyday is a challenge, but I am moving forward and choosing JOY.

Finding my joy one hike at a time. Every day is a challenge. Most days it is minute by minute just to get through my day, but I am choosing JOY.